By Jill Krueger Wagner
In 2022, within a 7-month period, I lost my mother, our son,
and a good friend. In addition, I had several other trials, among them was a
dental condition that resulted in the loss of a front tooth and several months
of visits to an endodontist to get a replacement tooth. I was reeling
emotionally. One with whom I shared my burdens and received godly counsel was
gone and, although I had many supporting me, I was plunged into a deep sorrow.
Having been through other trials in my Christian walk, I knew God still loved
me and, having learned from the book of Job to cling to God in difficulties, I
did cling to Him. Still many days the sorrow seemed to overwhelm my entire
being.
I had always been a joyful person yet, after this, many days
when I opened my eyes a deep sense of overwhelming sorrow consumed me. I began
to affirm the truths I knew from God’s Word out loud. I would say this upon
awakening: “This is the day the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice & be glad in
it! I will resist the devil & he will flee from me. Jesus is the way, the
truth, & the life, He will show me how to overcome today. I am not my own,
I was bought at a price; therefore, I will honor God with Kingdom thoughts. God
has good plans for me so whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely,
admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, I will think on such things.
I will seize the day for Jesus dressed in the whole armor of God, the belt of
truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sword of the Spirit, the shield of
faith, the helmet of salvation & my feet ready to spread the Gospel. If God
be for me, who can be against me? Private Wagner reporting for duty.”
Some days that was enough but on others, I needed more. Then
I recalled a radio show I’d heard years before of another mother who had lost a
child. She said the only thing that brought her out of that “deep night of the
soul” was listening to the Bible on tape. Tapes have gone the way of the
dinosaurs but I downloaded several YouVersion translations of the New Testament
onto my phone and while brushing my teeth, washing my face, and getting
dressed, I listen. It’s amazing to me how that can reorient my day. On really
hard days, I would listen longer. I would carry my phone with me while making
meals, doing dishes, cleaning, etc.
You Version is found at https://www.youversion.com/.
Not all of the versions there have audio but many do.
If you have difficult days, try listening to the New Testament
and you, too, might just put a dent in depression. HOWEVER, a word of warning.
The first time I read the Bible, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Before that I
never understood that God’s standards are unbelievably high. When I saw clearly
how many ways I didn’t measure up, I was undone. I went to my minister to see
what I should do. I had already made Jesus my Lord and Savior but oh the angst
I felt when I realized I was in the wrong on many levels. I will never forget
Rev. Bill Worman’s response. When I told him I could never measure up, he
slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!” I’m sure it was the
dumbfounded look on my face that told him – “nope, I haven’t a clue.” So, he
explained, “Jill, if you could ever measure up to God’s standards, Jesus would not
have had to die for your sins. The reason He came was mankind couldn’t hope to achieve
God’s demands. We needed someone to cover our faults and Jesus did that.” The blinders
fell from my eyes and I saw the truth that no matter how hard I tried to please
God, I would always need a Savior who could stand in the gap between God’s
righteous demands and my futile attempts to be good enough. So now when I read
something in the Bible that reminds me that I don’t make the grade, I confess then recite 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful & just &
will forgive us our sins & cleanse us from all righteousness.” Amen!!!
