By Jill Krueger Wagner
Once I committed my life to Christ, I watched others in the
church to see what it meant to be a committed Christian. I noted some who said
they were Christians but didn’t act like it – their moral compasses didn’t seem
to be pointing North to heaven. However, there were others who had a grace
about them. They seemed content in their own skin and would lovingly stand up
for what was right. They treated those around them with respect. I began to
pick the brains of these North-facing ones because I wanted to be one, too. As I
spoke with them, they all seemed to have one thing in common – they
consistently read their Bibles. They believed that the Bible was the Word of
God and they didn’t just read it, they studied it, and even memorized it. I
knew that I wanted to be a like them so I determined to read the Bible. Also,
around this same time, my brother-in-law challenged me regarding the doctrine
of the Trinity. I determined to find out what the Bible said about the Father,
Son, and Holy Spirit being God. I started reading from Genesis to Revelation to
determine if the doctrine was in there. It is. Nowhere are they called the
Trinity but all three are clearly shown to be God. That was one challenge
answered but another was going to present itself.
I come from a family of very strong women. My
great-grandmother traversed the country in a covered wagon. My mother achieved
many firsts for women in our area and my godmother, although not a blood
relative, showed me by example that women could be whatever they wanted to be –
she was the first woman mayor of my hometown and dramatically impacted Mentor,
Ohio.
So, you can imagine my distress when I read, “Wives submit
to your husbands as unto the Lord” Ephesians 5:22. My immediate response was
typical of who I was at that time. “Not this German girl!”
Even if Ray had been committed to Christ at that time and was
following the command given to husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ
loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25, I don’t know if I
would have submitted. But he wasn’t – at that time our home was more
battleground than anything else. Ray was not happy with my new found faith – in
his own words, “that’s not what I signed up for.” I certainly was not about to place
myself under his control. I was not about to comply.
I went to see my minister to discuss the whole concept.
From what I remember about our talk, he explained as best he
could to his hostile audience that the Bible didn’t say that women were less
than men but that there was a prescribed hierarchy in marriage. I wasn’t buying
it. I had a mind of my own and told him so. Again, he tried to explain that
since God wants us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind, He wants us
to use our minds. Furthermore, just like a ship must have only one captain in
charge who must answer to the ship’s owners for any decision that impacts the
ship and cargo, the husband is answerable to God for the “ship” of our
marriage. Still not buying it. Even when
I told him that Ray didn’t want me coming to church, he said then I should stay
home happily. NOPE!!! Perhaps I’d have to stay home (he wasn’t above hiding my
keys) but I would not be happy about it and the man would know the wrath of
Jill. He “allowed” me to go to church on Sundays but no other day.
So, ironically, because Bible study at church was out of the
question Christian radio was where I learned what God expected of me. I was
mentored by some giants in the faith through the radio. I got a solid grounding
in what it really meant to be a Christian. AND, much to my dismay, these same
mentors believed wives should submit to their husbands – even the teachers who
were women. Did I submit then? NO!
Over and over, I was given the opportunity to obey God in
this, and over and over, I rebelled. And just like the way God discipled Israel
through the years, He started disciplining me in small ways – things happened
that, in my spirit, I knew were discipline from God, but I persisted. Finally,
one day when I had fought with Ray and stormed out of the house I got in my car
in response to a disagreement. Then I got a flat tire. Now those of you in my
hometown know that as the first family of the town at that time, we knew
everyone. Yet, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t find anyone to help me with
that dang tire. I had to call Ray and that stuck in my craw. However, after
that, I heard the voice of the Lord. He asked me this question, “Jill, do you
want to see what happens after the flat tire?” Suddenly the fear of our
righteous God grabbed me and I knew I didn’t want to see what God would do
next. I reluctantly told Him, I would obey.
I didn’t have to wait long for an opportunity. There was a
series of classes at night at my church that I wanted to attend. I spoke to Ray
of my desire to which he responded, “Absolutely not!” It was like someone put
TNT in my mouth and I exploded. I screamed, “Absolutely not!!! Who do you think
you are – my father? I don’t need
another father.” At this I once again heard the Lord say, “Jill, you’ve
submitted data, now submit.” Reluctantly, I did.
The result was something I will never forget. From the
sidelines of the football field where Ray was a volunteer coach for one of our
sons, I saw one of the other coaches, who towered over Ray, over and over again
poke him in the chest. I wondered what was going on.
When we got home, Ray told me about the man insisted on his
own way and bullied Ray into going along. I couldn’t help but smile. He asked
me what was so funny to which I responded “I know what it feels like to be
bullied and it’s no fun.” His reply was, “Is this about that stupid class you
want to take? Go ahead, I’ll watch the kids.” To say I was stunned would be an
understatement. In all our years of marriage, Ray had never backed down from
what he said, this was a first and all of a sudden, I remembered all those Christians
who told me that when we do things God’s way, he intercedes for us. Lesson
learned.
