Why I love studying the Bible

I consider my life to be a work in progress. I’m not yet where (or who) I want to be but as the saying goes, “praise God I’m not what I used to be!"

Much of what I’ve learned from God I’ve learned through Bible study. Some I’ve learned one on one, just God and me and those are very precious lessons. But I’ve also learned tons in Bible studies with other people. It’s fascinating to hear other people’s perspectives on a passage.  I always marvel at how men and women often look at the same Scripture but get totally different applications from it.

Two studies I’m in right now are, “To Live is Christ” by Beth Moore in my JOY group and “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker in MUGGS.

I always learn plenty from Beth Moore but last Wednesday night was an exceptional lesson. On day 5 starting at page198 Beth taught us about “The Five Thieves of Contentment.” Of late I’ve been struggling with a restless spirit so this really peaked my interest. The five thieves are: pettiness, anxiety, destructive thoughts, resistance to learn and independence. Yep – I struggle with two of the three – destructive thoughts and independence. So since I’ve read this I’ve been working on both and have begun to once again feel “the peace that passes understanding.” It’s been glorious.

Then we were listing our hurts in “Life’s Healing Choices” and I was stunned to find that a childhood hurt could still bring tears to my eyes. All I could think was “why is this bothering me so now so many years later?”

The hurt was from the fact that nobody wanted me on his or her team on the playground. I was a terrible underachiever in relation to anything requiring physical prowess. I can still remember the feeling when we were choosing up teams. There was always a knot in my stomach and although I never cried I always felt like doing so.

So we were required to take our hurts to an accountability partner and express them. I went to my BFF Kathryn. I cried AGAIN when I told her about those feelings. I thought, “This is ridiculous! Why does this hurt so much?” We talked a little more and I did an exercise that I learned years ago. I imagined where Jesus was when I was going through these and I could clearly imagine him standing at my side saying, “I choose you Jill, and I want you on my team.” Oh what a sweet thought! Then in a little while Kathryn asked me to tell her again what happened on the playground. I did but this time there were no tears because I could imagine Jesus there, feeling my hurt and loving me through it. How precious it is to find Jesus in all our hurts.

Today I'm thankful for:

A warm house on a chilly, damp day
The smell of pot roast cooking
I've never had to go without shoes like so many in other countries
Being healthy enough to volunteer at Samaritan's Feet

The Bible as a Weapon or a Tool

After being a committed Christian since December of 1974 one would think that I didn’t have to repeat old lessons but alas sometimes I sure do need reminders.

Reading through the Proverbs with my Sunday school class I have found that it’s a whole lot easier to think of other people in my life who do the bad things instead of honestly looking at myself. When will I ever learn that the only person I can change is myself?

Well perhaps I am learning because now when these thoughts enter my mind I think to myself, “but what about you Jill?” I may not be guilty of being a mocker or a sluggard but there are a few things that convict me in Proverbs.

I reject using the Bible as a weapon against others. I am nobody’s Holy Spirit. When I think inside my head, “that person is not living in accordance with Scripture” I have to reject that thought. My plank-filled eye doesn’t please Jesus. I need to work on Jill – I need to use the tool of the Bible to smooth out my rough edges.

Perhaps it’s a good day to read Psalm 119 and note all the times I see I, me and my.

Scripture for today:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

Three things I’m thankful for today:

Pecan encrusted chicken

Pictures of summer flowers in the dead of winter

Lazy Sunday afternoons in a cozy warm house

Keep it Succinct!

I have been a follower of Christ since December of 1974. I am in the habit of spending my first minutes of the day with God and my Bible. Sometimes that time becomes just a habit and I don’t really get in touch with God. That usually happens when instead of following what I think God would have me do I work on what I need to teach in Sunday school – that kind of takes the joy out of it. It points to my tendency to make productivity my god. I’ll cover that another day. TODAY I’m going to share what God has been teaching me this week since I gave my Sunday school class the assignment to teach the class themselves for the next 3 weeks. They are to share what God teaches them as they read through the Proverbs. Our assignment this week was Proverbs 10-16.

Being the overachiever that I am I had a ball with this assignment BUT I’m hoping that I won’t need to share what I learned because so many of them will be sharing. We had 28 last Sunday so if only a few of them share I shouldn’t need to talk. But I’m excited about what I learned so I thought I’d share it here.

Proverbs is a cut and dry “do this don’t do that” book. It lists positive things to do and negative things to avoid. When I first became serious about following God it was a favorite because I like knowing what God likes. I had learned the hard way that “my arms are too short to box with God.” Life is much more pleasant for me when I’m pleasing Him.

It didn’t take me long to see an applicable proverb for me. Proverbs 10:19 says

“When words are many sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” NIV

“The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.” The Message

Enough said!

Mother's Day Alone

Mother’s Day Alone

Ray, my husband, had wanted to move south for years. I resisted him for years. As a woman with a high maternal sense, I wanted to stay near my family. But I heard the “still quiet voice of the Lord” saying to “go.” Ray pushed for Florida. I pushed to stay in Ohio. We compromised on Charlotte, NC.

Many times I’ve told new friends that if they look closely they could see two little heel marks all the way down Route 77 – evidence of my being dragged to the Carolinas. Don’t misunderstand. I love living in Charlotte. I’ve found a wonderful church. I’ve made wonderful friends and I’ve found my niche in woman’s ministry. But I was content where I grew up. It’s difficult to start over again. Many of our holidays are spent traveling to family in Ohio, or waiting for them to come here. But that’s just the big holidays. Small holidays are a different story. We’re often alone.

As Mother’s Day 2002 approached I knew I was going to be without any of my four children or my mother.  I was planning a full-blown pity party. Why did we have to move south anyway? Yes, the weather was much better. Yes, Ray had a better job. But my children were elsewhere. How could I be content here without the kids or grandkids? “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”1Timothy 6:6 NIV But how do you make yourself be content? How do you put away your mothering feelings after so many years? My youngest was in college (in Ohio). My oldest was married with two children  (in Ohio). The two middle sons and two more grandchildren lived on California. I’d been a mother for 32 years so how was I to act now?  I knew I was where God wanted me to be but I was still so lonely for that mother/child bond.

I remembered the scripture that God had shown me on the day I left for Charlotte. As I traveled alone with my dog, driving 500 miles to join Ray I rehearsed it until it was memorized. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV But I was discouraged. So I prayed. “Oh, Lord, please let one of the neighborhood children remember me for Mother’s Day.” I told no one of my prayer.

Ray was very sweet. He knew this was hard for me. I told him not to buy me a big gift for the day. He had been very generous on Valentine’s Day and so I told him that all I wanted was a single rose.

The night before Mother’s Day the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find my sweet little neighbor Alyssa standing in front of me looking very shy. She pulled a single rose from behind her back and said “Happy Mother’s Day Miss Jill.”

It was a Happy Mother’s Day. I was not discouraged at living in the Carolinas. I reveled in the fact that I was where God wanted me and I knew that day that I have a God who fulfills all my needs “according to all his riches in glory.” He even fulfills my need for a child to remember me on Mother’s Day.

Thank you Lord for loving me and for little Alyssa Cunningham, too.

A Bad Marriage Turned Around by Jill Wagner

I wrote this over seven years ago but it's still applicable!

Eleven days ago my husband gave me a bouquet of flowers for our 33^rd wedding anniversary. This morning they still look wonderful. I remarked to him “just like our love they refuse to die.” He smiled. Things were not always so sweet between us. There was a time when the primary emotion I felt from him was rejection. The primary one he felt from me was anger.       

            Our problems were huge and too many to recount here but did you know that the Bible has a “love potion”? It’s not a magic potion but it never fails. It’s formula is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (N.I.V.) God used that scripture we so often hear at weddings to heal my marriage.

            The focus of my prayer life at that time was on God changing Ray. I was tired of the way he treated me. I was sick of the rejection and the disrespect. I wanted out but knew how God felt about divorce. My minister told me the three options when in a bad marriage: Divorce, learn to live with it or change your bad marriage into a good one. I opted for change. Unfortunately I just wanted Ray to change because I was really a good wife (or so I thought).

            One day I was praying after a particularly difficult day. I knew God loved me so I said something like this “Daddy God to you see how he’s treating your little girl? Your Word says You’ll contend with those who contend with me (Psalm 35:1) so contend with him, Lord. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

            Then a scripture reference came to my mind. It was 1 Corinthians 13. At the time I didn’t know what that was so I got my Bible. When I read it I thought. Yes! That’s how I want to be loved but God impressed upon me that I was to love Ray that way. Just like Moses after his call to Egypt I argued with God that I just couldn’t do that. But He had more to teach me. I happened upon 1 John 4:20 “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar” (NIV). Did I hate Ray? Some times I did, sometimes I just didn’t like him. But I sure didn’t love him the way God wanted me to. So I determined in my heart to obey what God had revealed to me and love Ray with 1 Corinthians 13 love.  It was hard to do that. I discovered I was not the good wife I thought I was when measured against the Word of God. Many times I would go to God complaining about how Ray was treating me and many times I felt God directing me back to 1 Corinthians 13 and asking “do you love Ray like that, yet?” The irony is that the more I loved him that way, the more he loved me that way. It was a long and difficult struggle and many times I wanted to quit but I am so glad I didn’t. The last thirteen years have been so different from the first twenty. The love and respect we share now is evidence of what God can do when we obey his Word.

We serve a God of second chances, a God who delights in taking a marriage like a caterpillar and transforming it into a butterfly.  Are you in a difficult place in your marriage? God can transform it – I know because “I’ve been there, done that” and I have a beautiful bouquet of flowers as evidence.

A Sacrifice of Praise – Hebrews 13:15

 I remember the first time Hebrews 13:15 caught my eye – I thought, “Why would it be a sacrifice to praise?” It truly puzzled me since I had always loved to praise God – to give him the worship he was so worthy to receive.

Then my husband and I had an awful fight. I don’t even remember what it was about but he got so angry that he walked out of the house. I was devastated. Our marriage had not being going well and I was in utter despair. I didn’t have a clue how to turn things around. I always wanted to be a wife and mother and now I was both but I didn’t find the contentment I thought I would find.

Then I felt the Spirit of the Lord ask, “can you praise me now?” I remember thinking: “Praise? The last thing I feel like doing is praising.” Then finally I understood that God is worthy of our praise no matter what the circumstances. When you don’t feel like praising and do it anyway that is a “sacrifice of praise.”

So I knelt at the window that looked out into my backyard. The first thing I did was to admit that I didn’t feel like praising but since the Bible says to “continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise” I would. Then I began to sing to my Lord and King. I have been in wonderful Sunday services that have moved me. I have been brought to tears at Christmas Eve services and baptisms of new believers. Yet nothing in all of my experience prepared me for the joy I felt that evening. I think that feeling was God’s smile of approval on an obedient child.

It is easy to praise God when “all is right with the world.” Yet when we can get on our knees and let our God know that we praise him in the storm it is a sacrifice of praise. I don’t always get that rush I got that very first time but that’s OK because I know I’ve pleased God.

Over 35 years of walking with God has shown me that even when I think God’s forgotten me or when I think that something that he’s asked me to do is just too hard ultimately He has my best interest at heart. But sometimes it’s still a sacrifice.

What do you want from me?

The Lord speaks to us all in different ways. More often than not he speaks to me thru the Bible. I have numerous stories about this but one of my favorite involved Micah 6:8.

I was struggling with trying to discern what the Lord wanted me to do. I’d tried several ministry things but nothing seemed the right fit. I want to please the Lord and He knows that but sometimes I just wish He’d get out His great big pen and write it out for me in the sky.

One day I was fed up with trying to figure out what He wanted and I literally screamed at the ceiling, “what do you want from me.” It was then I heard the Biblical reference of Micah 6:8. I had an old Bible sitting right next to me on the table so I immediately looked it up. I knew I’d heard from God when I read: “What does the Lord require of you, O man but to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly before your God.”