A Good Mother

There are few gifts bestowed on us that reap eternal benefits but a good mother is one of those. I was blessed with a great mom who sought to teach us right from wrong. She nurtured and loved. She dispensed grace when we did something stupid with the words, “You had no way of knowing.” I recall all four of us kneeling to pray at her direction, acknowledging our Lord. Thanks Mom for loving us and starting each of us on our journey to know God. I love you.

The Marriage Kit by Jill Krueger Wagner

Many of you know that my daughter just got engaged and I've mentioned to some of you my search for just the right box for her marriage kit. As a result I've been doing a lot of explaining about what it contains and why I do this.

First the why: Ray and I went through a lot of years of unhappiness in our marriage and I don't want that for others so I designed this to try to stave off problems in new marriages.

The what is this:

The box is a visual aide for how to offer criticism to your mate. Just as a box has a top and a bottom with things enclosed, so you seek to enclose all criticism in a “top” and “bottom” of praise. What do you admire about your mate? What have they been doing right lately? Tel them these things before and after you criticize them.

The white rose is a symbol of love. When you cannot find the words to say “I’m sorry” place the rose on his/her dinner plate, pillow, or car dash, etc. It will say what you cannot.

The small frames are self-explanatory: Don’t let the sun go down while you’re still angry. Ephesians 4:26 Love your mate more than money. When you love someone you don’t just love them because of what they are but in spite of what they are.

The two different colored balls of clay represent each of you and the love language that makes you feel really loved. There are five love languages: Kind words of affirmation/Acts of Service/Quality time spent together/Physical touch or sex/and Gifts. Seldom do both husband and wife speak the same language so you must learn what language makes your mate feel loved and learn how to speak that language. When you are both aware of and speaking the other’s language you will truly become one like two pieces of clay constantly kneaded together.

The mirror is to remind you that you must look to yourself and your relationship with the Lord NOT to your mate to find true happiness.

The Bible verses are to remind you that the wisdom to the ages is at your fingertips in the Bible. God’s plan for marriage is one of extreme intimacy and satisfaction, one in which each person is loved, respected and treated with dignity. If you’re not each reading the Bible daily you may never achieve this intimacy.

The difficult relationship checklist is included because you are not just marrying your mate but his/her family as well. There is always the possibility that you will have difficulty getting along with someone within her or his family. The checklist can be overwhelming, as it is the result of years of dealing with various difficult people. Simply ask God to reveal to you where you can improve in a difficult relationship then start reading the list. He’ll show you what to do.

Here is the checklist:

DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS CHECKLIST

By Jill Krueger Wagner

PRAY:

            THAT GOD WILL ENABLE YOU TO LOVE YOUR DIFFICULT PERSON

            THAT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM/HER

                        IS PATIENT                                IS NOT EASILY ANGERED

                        IS KIND                          KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS

                        IS NOT ENVIOUS                   DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL

                        IS NOT BOASTFUL                REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH

                        IS NOT PROUD              ALWAYS PROTECTS

                        IS NOT RUDE                 ALWAYS TRUSTS

                        IS NOT SELF-SEEKING            ALWAYS HOPES

                                                                        ALWAYS PERSEVERES

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR D.R. FOR ANYTHING IN THE PAST?

            ASK GOD TO PURGE YOUR THOUGHT LIFE FROM THOUGHTS OF REVENGE AND NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TOWARDS OR ABOUT YOUR D.R.  ZECHARIAH 7:10b ROMANS 12:19

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU WHY YOUR D.R. DOES THE THINGS THAT UPSET YOU AND HOW TO RESPOND TO SUCH REVELATIONS

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU THE ROOT PROBLEM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT TO DO REGARDING THAT REVELATION.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ARE UNREASONABLE AND HOW TO AMEND THEM IF THAT IS THE CASE. ALSO ASK HOW TO GET LEGITIMATE NEEDS MET.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDARIES AGAINST YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD TO STRENGTHEN YOU FOR BATTLE WITH YOUR D.R. WHEN HE/SHE OVERSTEPS THE BOUNDARIES YOU’VE SET. JOHN 18:19-23

            ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU “…QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY, FOR MAN’S ANGER DOES NOT BRING ABOUT THE RIGHTEOUS LIVE THAT GOD DESIRES.” JAMES 1:19,20

            ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU “THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING” WHEN YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR D.R. PH. 4:7

            ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO “KEEP A WATCH” ON YOUR MOUTH SO THAT YOU DO NOT GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD FOR A “BATTLE PLAN” BEFORE CONFLICT ARISES WITH YOUR D.R. THIS PLAN SHOULD REFLECT GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOUR D.R. AND HIS DESIRE THAT YOU BOTH BE TREATED WITH THE DIGNITY YOU DESERVE.

            ASK GOD FOR A TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND TO PRAY WITH (BUT DO NOT REVEAL DETAILS ABOUT YOUR D.R. THAT MIGHT UPSET HIM/HER.)

            THANK GOD FOR THE SPIRITUAL GROWTH YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THROUGH YOUR D.R. BECAUSE “AS IRONS SHARPENS IRON, ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER.” PROVERBS 24:17

I usually present this to the couple alone but have done it at rehearsal dinners and showers.

Forgiveness and Justice

By Jill Krueger Wagner

Everyone who knows me knows that I love the Bible. Yet loving it and always understanding it are two different things. I find great joy in digging in it to find answers to what God is like and what he requires of me. Yet there are things that really disturb me in The Word. One of those things has just been cleared up for me.

My question was why would God refuse to let Moses go into the Promised Land after all he had done to lead the people of Israel to that sacred land? Just because God said, “go to Pharaoh” Moses went (after strenuous objection on his part!) – and he could have been killed for it. Moses was, for the most part, an obedient servant to God so it seemed wrong to me to not let him into the land to see the fruit of his labor. But now I see; now I think I understand why.

Moses’ offense, found in Numbers 20:6-12, was, I believe three-fold. God told him to speak to the rock and God would bring water from it. Instead Moses struck the rock – that was one offense. The weightier offenses were that he didn’t give honor to God but claimed glory for himself when he said “must we bring water from this rock?” “We?” There was no “we” in this miracle – it was all God. He also didn’t trust God enough to just speak and felt he must strike the rock.

God had just told Moses in Numbers 14:18 that he was a forgiving God so why didn’t he forgive Moses? Moses and God had an awesome relationship. God spoke to Moses as a man speaks to a friend. They were very close. Finally I understand that God did forgive Moses but there was another element at work in this issue. The element was justice.

Being forgiven does not negate the need for a just discipline for the sin. And this is the answer I discovered this week while studying the book, “The Art of Forgiveness” by Lewis Smedes: Forgiveness is for the individual but justice is for the community.

What would the Israelite community have thought if God offered no consequences for Moses’ sin? To them it might have seemed like he was saying, “Moses you broke my law but it’s no big deal.” But it was a big deal, whenever we break God’s law it’s a big deal.

As James Dobson once said, “God’s laws are like guardrails on the side of the road – they protect us.” We, being basically self-centered individuals, don’t want anyone, even God, telling us what to do (or not to do). We want to forge our own way and we don’t want anyone telling us it’s wrong. If we were to develop a god he would be always forgiving and never judging our sin but that is not what the God of the Bible is like.

God says “Be ye holy, as I am holy” Leviticus 11:45. And he lays out for us what that holiness looks like in his Word – it’s hard but we better do it if we want to see the Promised Land ourselves. By His amazing grace God forgives but he still demands justice so the wise person learns to “fear God and give Him glory.” Revelation 14:7

The Peace Returns

I have been struggling for some time with a lack of peace. For me as a Christian, peace has been one of the best perks of being a Believer. I’ve had it in some very difficult situations like my husband telling me he was going to leave me (he didn’t), my daughter telling me she was moving in with her boyfriend’s family (she did) and watching my father take his last breath. But I’ve grappled of late with balancing rest and work and have not been peaceful.

Some time ago in my frustration I screamed at God, “What do you want from me?” I did not expect an immediate response but I got one. Inside my head I clearly thought/heard “Micah 6:8.”

God has responded to me many times with a Scripture reference so I immediately looked in my Bible to see what it says there. … “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly before your God.”  That was definitely as answer from on high!

Well, I try to act justly and I do love mercy but humility is so very hard for me. I have struggled with pride most of my life. How does a person balance self-sufficiency with being dependent on God? This morning I did some extra investigation into this passage and found that Israel wanted to offer a sacrifice to please God but that’s not what God wanted. He wanted them to live Micah 6:8.

Today I’ve laid out some ways for me to “walk humbly before my God.” I feel the peace now. It’s like I was trying to just offer some sacrifice to get God to accept me as I am but he wasn’t having any part in it. Now that I’ve made an active effort to ‘return to my first love” (Rev. 2) I’m feeling his pleasure. It feels good. We’ll see if I can live humbly for today.

Snares of Death

“The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death.”

                                                                                                             Proverbs 14:27

I have been thinking of God as my buddy – in my heart I know he’s my friend but he’s also the God of the Universe. I need to remember who he is and

We’ve been talking about what the “fear of the LORD” is in my Sunday school class.

From the Scriptures below we’ve gleaned a summary.

“And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul…  Deuteronomy 10:12

‘The fear of the LORD – that is wisdom, to shun evil is understanding… Job 28:28

Let all the earth fear the LORD; let all the people of the world revere him. Ps. 33:8

Revere: To regard with reverence (honor or respect; profound respect mingled with love and awe); to venerate (to regard with reverential respect, or with admiration and deference

“He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.” Proverbs 14:28

So to summarize: those who fear the Lord walk in all his ways, love him, serve him with all their hearts and souls. They shun evil, they reverence him and as a result he is a mighty fortress for their children.

I want that fortress for my kids so as I am able I WILL fear the Lord!

Why I love studying the Bible

I consider my life to be a work in progress. I’m not yet where (or who) I want to be but as the saying goes, “praise God I’m not what I used to be!"

Much of what I’ve learned from God I’ve learned through Bible study. Some I’ve learned one on one, just God and me and those are very precious lessons. But I’ve also learned tons in Bible studies with other people. It’s fascinating to hear other people’s perspectives on a passage.  I always marvel at how men and women often look at the same Scripture but get totally different applications from it.

Two studies I’m in right now are, “To Live is Christ” by Beth Moore in my JOY group and “Life’s Healing Choices” by John Baker in MUGGS.

I always learn plenty from Beth Moore but last Wednesday night was an exceptional lesson. On day 5 starting at page198 Beth taught us about “The Five Thieves of Contentment.” Of late I’ve been struggling with a restless spirit so this really peaked my interest. The five thieves are: pettiness, anxiety, destructive thoughts, resistance to learn and independence. Yep – I struggle with two of the three – destructive thoughts and independence. So since I’ve read this I’ve been working on both and have begun to once again feel “the peace that passes understanding.” It’s been glorious.

Then we were listing our hurts in “Life’s Healing Choices” and I was stunned to find that a childhood hurt could still bring tears to my eyes. All I could think was “why is this bothering me so now so many years later?”

The hurt was from the fact that nobody wanted me on his or her team on the playground. I was a terrible underachiever in relation to anything requiring physical prowess. I can still remember the feeling when we were choosing up teams. There was always a knot in my stomach and although I never cried I always felt like doing so.

So we were required to take our hurts to an accountability partner and express them. I went to my BFF Kathryn. I cried AGAIN when I told her about those feelings. I thought, “This is ridiculous! Why does this hurt so much?” We talked a little more and I did an exercise that I learned years ago. I imagined where Jesus was when I was going through these and I could clearly imagine him standing at my side saying, “I choose you Jill, and I want you on my team.” Oh what a sweet thought! Then in a little while Kathryn asked me to tell her again what happened on the playground. I did but this time there were no tears because I could imagine Jesus there, feeling my hurt and loving me through it. How precious it is to find Jesus in all our hurts.

Today I'm thankful for:

A warm house on a chilly, damp day
The smell of pot roast cooking
I've never had to go without shoes like so many in other countries
Being healthy enough to volunteer at Samaritan's Feet

The Bible as a Weapon or a Tool

After being a committed Christian since December of 1974 one would think that I didn’t have to repeat old lessons but alas sometimes I sure do need reminders.

Reading through the Proverbs with my Sunday school class I have found that it’s a whole lot easier to think of other people in my life who do the bad things instead of honestly looking at myself. When will I ever learn that the only person I can change is myself?

Well perhaps I am learning because now when these thoughts enter my mind I think to myself, “but what about you Jill?” I may not be guilty of being a mocker or a sluggard but there are a few things that convict me in Proverbs.

I reject using the Bible as a weapon against others. I am nobody’s Holy Spirit. When I think inside my head, “that person is not living in accordance with Scripture” I have to reject that thought. My plank-filled eye doesn’t please Jesus. I need to work on Jill – I need to use the tool of the Bible to smooth out my rough edges.

Perhaps it’s a good day to read Psalm 119 and note all the times I see I, me and my.

Scripture for today:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:3

Three things I’m thankful for today:

Pecan encrusted chicken

Pictures of summer flowers in the dead of winter

Lazy Sunday afternoons in a cozy warm house