The Story Behind the Poem

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

 He was a tall boy with curly blond hair. He lived in the Mentor Headlands and rode my school bus. I learned that he had run away from home and when he returned, I asked him why. He responded, “Mrs. Wagner, my step-mom hates me.” Being a step-mom myself I told him, “Christopher sometimes it’s hard for a step-parent to communicate their love to their step-children but I’m sure she doesn’t hate you.” When he replied, “They didn’t even look for me for three days,” my heart sank. I wished I could have taken him in my arms and given him a big bear hug. That was when I decided to write him a poem to tell him that he was special and there was a reason for his life. Once written, I chose to give it out to the entire bus on the last day before Christmas vacation so that he wasn’t singled out. I don’t know if he ever “got” the message but since that time I have passed out that poem every Christmas season. Enjoy!

                                                              My Gift to You

                                                          By Jill Krueger Wagner

I’d like to give a gift to you, but it can’t be bought or sold. Still, it’s extremely valuable; it’s even worth more than gold. For with it you can find happiness that no one can destroy. No matter what life’s trial, this gift you’ll still enjoy. For this gift is the knowledge that there was a reason for your birth. And no matter who tells you otherwise your life has invaluable worth. So, when you’re feeling discouraged and you feel like a castaway remember, you’re here for a reason, never be led astray. Self-pity or an angry reaction to the trials in your life will destroy the work the Creator is trying to do through the strife. So, trust He knows what He’s doing and He will see you through. And remember; though He’s created billions - He only made one just like you.

Hearing God Speak

By Jill Krueger Wagner

In John 10:27 Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” However, if you claim to have heard from God, those who don’t know Him will think you’re crazy. Some Christians believe that once the New Testament was completed, God stopped speaking any way except through the Bible. Yet, in Malachi 3:6 we learn that “the Lord does not change” and Hebrews 13:8 we learn that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” So, if He spoke to people in both the Old and New Testaments, doesn’t it make sense that He STILL speaks? Isn’t it possible that those who say God has never spoken to them, simply don’t recognize His voice? A former minister of mine once said something like, “It would be great if when thoughts come into our heads there was a little bubble like in the comics that said, ‘this is God speaking or this is the devil, or these are my own thoughts.’” We have to learn to discern where our thoughts come from and that isn’t always easy. Just like when God spoke to Elijah in a “still, quiet voice” (1 Kings 19:11-13), we need to recognize His Voice.

One sure fire way to know it’s NOT God speaking is if what you hear is contrary to the Bible. God will never tempt you to sin. (James 1:13) However, if you don’t know your Bible, how will you be able to be discern what sin is? The first step in learning God’s language, is to learn about Him. Since Jesus was “the exact representation” of God (Hebrews 1:3), reading the New Testament will educate you on who God is. God’s standard of holiness is VERY high. If Jesus had not covered all our sins when we repented and turned to Him, none of us would make it into His Kingdom. Now our names are written in the Lamb’s book of life (Revelation 21:27) and if we occasionally commit sin, we can depend on 1 John 1: 9 to make us holy in Christ, we’re acceptable by His blood not our worthiness (Romans 3:23-24).   

Priscilla Shirer mentioned that we should write down our interactions with God. That prompted me to go over my communication from God since December of 1974, which is when I repented and turned to Him. Sometimes when I heard His voice, I was ashamed, repented and was cleansed. Sometimes, I fought Him – totally deserving a lightening strike that never came but I did learn when I saw the results of my rebellion hurting my family. Sometimes His Words were the sweetest I’d ever heard, laying to rest past hurts. Sometimes it was challenging to obey but I saw in hindsight the good that came out of my reluctant obedience.

Learn to listen! And if you’re not sure that what you’re hearing is from God, ask your pastor or a mature Christian brother or sister to help you with discernment. 

Bittersweet Christmas by Jill Krueger Wagner

 Originally written for nursing home residents I was visiting.

Bittersweet Christmas – they’re not what they used to be

When our children woke with excitement & faces shone with glee

When we were young & our bodies responded as they should

We’d laugh & joke & plan the day knowing it would be good

These days there’s not much shopping we can do at our age,

Even if our legs could stand the walking, we no longer make a wage.

So, frustrations mount as we look back to Christmases gone by.

We fret & stew & reminisce but most of all, we cry;

It’s hard to fight the sorrow that persists as Christmas nears.

When all about seem cheerful but we find ourselves in tears

Then early one morning as I pray, I hear a still quiet voice say:

 

“Bittersweet Christmas? Why should this be?

I can tell you’ve taken your eyes off of me.

This season is not for worshipping you

And all the old holidays you knew.

This day is for me, come as a babe,

Humbling myself so you could be saved.

When sorrow overtakes you, it’s our old enemy

Trying to keep you from worshipping me.

Don’t give into self-pity but instead raise your voice

Glorify me by making this choice:

Choose to be happy for what I did that day,

Leaving my throne in heaven for a manger full of hay.

It was no small sacrifice to become a baby there

When I made the universe, everything everywhere.

And why should I, the God divine, humble myself so?

So you & every believer could overcome the foe.

Yet here you are forlorn, forgetting all I’ve done

Worshipping old earthly things, when your salvation has been won

And no small price did I pay to reconcile you to the Father,

So, this Christmas sing my praises – you may not have another!”

 

Lord, forgive me for my selfishness, I really didn’t see

This day is not for us, but instead to glorify thee

I vow it won’t be bittersweet, but the happiest one yet

And I’ll concentrate on giving joy & not on what I’ll get

I’ll look for those who need cheering & perhaps in that way

I’ll REALLY keep Christmas as a truly Christ- centered day.

 

Put a Dent in Depression

By Jill Krueger Wagner

In 2022, within a 7-month period, I lost my mother, our son, and a good friend. In addition, I had several other trials, among them was a dental condition that resulted in the loss of a front tooth and several months of visits to an endodontist to get a replacement tooth. I was reeling emotionally. One with whom I shared my burdens and received godly counsel was gone and, although I had many supporting me, I was plunged into a deep sorrow. Having been through other trials in my Christian walk, I knew God still loved me and, having learned from the book of Job to cling to God in difficulties, I did cling to Him. Still many days the sorrow seemed to overwhelm my entire being.

I had always been a joyful person yet, after this, many days when I opened my eyes a deep sense of overwhelming sorrow consumed me. I began to affirm the truths I knew from God’s Word out loud. I would say this upon awakening: “This is the day the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice & be glad in it! I will resist the devil & he will flee from me. Jesus is the way, the truth, & the life, He will show me how to overcome today. I am not my own, I was bought at a price; therefore, I will honor God with Kingdom thoughts. God has good plans for me so whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, I will think on such things. I will seize the day for Jesus dressed in the whole armor of God, the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sword of the Spirit, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation & my feet ready to spread the Gospel. If God be for me, who can be against me? Private Wagner reporting for duty.”

Some days that was enough but on others, I needed more. Then I recalled a radio show I’d heard years before of another mother who had lost a child. She said the only thing that brought her out of that “deep night of the soul” was listening to the Bible on tape. Tapes have gone the way of the dinosaurs but I downloaded several YouVersion translations of the New Testament onto my phone and while brushing my teeth, washing my face, and getting dressed, I listen. It’s amazing to me how that can reorient my day. On really hard days, I would listen longer. I would carry my phone with me while making meals, doing dishes, cleaning, etc.

You Version is found at https://www.youversion.com/. Not all of the versions there have audio but many do.

If you have difficult days, try listening to the New Testament and you, too, might just put a dent in depression. HOWEVER, a word of warning. The first time I read the Bible, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Before that I never understood that God’s standards are unbelievably high. When I saw clearly how many ways I didn’t measure up, I was undone. I went to my minister to see what I should do. I had already made Jesus my Lord and Savior but oh the angst I felt when I realized I was in the wrong on many levels. I will never forget Rev. Bill Worman’s response. When I told him I could never measure up, he slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!” I’m sure it was the dumbfounded look on my face that told him – “nope, I haven’t a clue.” So, he explained, “Jill, if you could ever measure up to God’s standards, Jesus would not have had to die for your sins. The reason He came was mankind couldn’t hope to achieve God’s demands. We needed someone to cover our faults and Jesus did that.” The blinders fell from my eyes and I saw the truth that no matter how hard I tried to please God, I would always need a Savior who could stand in the gap between God’s righteous demands and my futile attempts to be good enough. So now when I read something in the Bible that reminds me that I don’t make the grade, I confess then recite 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful & just & will forgive us our sins & cleanse us from all righteousness.” Amen!!!

Struggling with Emotions

By Jill Krueger Wagner

Since I was a little girl, I have struggled with one particular emotion. It grabs ahold of me and shoves me down into a state of utter defeat. I retreat into myself and am a most miserable woman.

I found a visual aide in Genesis 4:7 that helps me to fight emotions. Cain was struggling with anger and jealousy. He was upset that God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but not his. (Why God wasn’t pleased with his offering won’t be covered here). God told him, “If you do what is right (offer an acceptable sacrifice), will you not be accepted? BUT if you do not do what is right, sin is CROUCHING AT YOUR DOOR, it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

That is my visual aide. Emotions themselves aren’t necessarily sinful, although they can lead to sin, as in Cain’s case where his anger and jealousy led him to murder Cain. But when I picture my strongest emotions: anger, self-pity, or revenge, as crouching animals desiring to “have me,” control me, and make me act in a way that displeases God, it helps me to choose an emotion that is pleasing to God like joy, thankfulness, or forgiveness. I look for verses that speak of those good emotions and speak them out to God because I don’t want some crouching evil having its way with me.

Attitude Adjustments

By Jill Krueger Wagner

If you had a good father like I did, I would guess that more than once he had to adjust your bad attitude. One incident that illustrated that for me was when Dad was about 40 minutes late to pick me up from school. I was very perturbed. When he finally got there the first words out of his mouth were an apology – he owned his own business and a customer had come into the office just as he was about the leave to pick me up BUT I didn’t care, I vented my anger at being kept waiting. My first inkling that perhaps I shouldn’t have done that was his total silence. I soon forgot the unpleasant incident but my dad didn’t. He knew I needed and attitude adjustment – I was way too entitled. Sometime later I called to ask him to come pick me up. His response was, “I’m sorry Jill but I wouldn’t be able to come for at least 30 minutes and I know how you hate to wait so just walk home.” Then he hung up. Immediately I recognized my error in not appreciating my dad’s apology, his willingness to come and pick me up, and my heaping nastiness on that good man at the previous event. Lesson learned.

Those of us who are Christians have a good heavenly Father who also knows how to adjust our attitudes. He wants us to have the same attitude as Christ (Eph. 2:5) and when we don’t, He will find a way to adjust it.

I recall Job’s three friends who thought he was being punished for some secret sin when, in reality, he was “blameless and upright” in God’s sight. They had a twisted view of the situation and needed to offer a sacrifice for not speaking of God “what is right” (Job 42:7) and causing Job additional heartache in his already difficult situation. Fortunately for them, Job prayed for them and God forgave.

And I think of Saul, who later was called Paul. He was so certain that Jesus’ followers were wrong that he arrested them and put them in prison. He was on his way to Damascus to capture more Christians to bring them back to jail in Jerusalem when Jesus dramatically adjusted his attitude on the road (Acts 9). He went from persecutor to preacher in a short time.

In a similar story, John Newton went from slave trader to the minister who wrote “Amazing Grace.”

 Those of us who have had an encounter with the God of the universe know the power of our God. He can adjust what we believe and who we are through the power of His Word and His Spirit. We may welcome some adjustments or fight them, but ultimately “our God supplies all our needs” (Philippians 4:19). It’s good to embrace His correction for, in reality, He wants nothing but the best for you and “your arms are too short to box with God.” Don’t fight that losing battle, just accept His will, displaying an attitude like His dear Son.  

Sin!!!

 Sin as defined by “The American Heritage Dictionary” is 1) A transgression of a religious or moral law, especially when deliberate. 2. Theology. A condition of estrangement from God as a result of breaking His law. 3. Any offense, fault or error.

“The New Bible Dictionary” goes into far greater detail in three and a half pages covering terminology, origin, consequences, imputation (attributing sin to a source), depravity, inability, liability, and the conquest of sin. I wish each of you could read this. It gives a thorough understanding of the total destructiveness of sin, God’s response to it, and Jesus’ victory over it at the cross.

For 26 years of my life, I never thought I was a sinner but then when I realized that I was, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I had started to read the New Testament and realized there was no way I could do all that God required – His requirements were beyond human ability to obey. How can a person, whose very existence was tainted with rebellion, who possessed the seeds of sin passed down to every generation since Adam, ever live up to the holiness that God requires? I took my angst to my minister.

As a sat before this man of God, I expressed the frustration of a woman who knew beyond all doubt that she was unworthy of God’s love because deep in my heart I knew I was a rebel who was weak and helpless to do all He required.

Reverend Worman listened patiently to my problem and then he shocked me by his response. He slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!”

I was so taken back that I just stared at him.

He continued, and as I recall it said something like this. “Jill, if we could do all required of us in the law, Jesus would not have had to come to die for our sins. That is one big lesson from the Old Testament. God set down laws to show us the way to please Him, but He knew that, although we might strive to do all written there, because we’re fallen creatures, we’d never be able to live up to His requirements. So being a loving God, who cares for His creation, He made a way to satisfy the obligations of the law. 2 Corinthians 5:21 explains it like this. ‘For He (The Father) made Him (Jesus) to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.’

Jill, the moment you turned your life over to God, He gave you the righteousness of Christ. Never stop striving to do all written in the Scriptures but know that you’ll fall short. When you do, apply 1 John 1:1:9 ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’”

I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I WAS forgiven, the price of my sin had been paid for and He loves me, even when I don’t measure up.  

The lyrics to Amazing Love sum up my feelings:

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken,

I'm accepted, you were condemned

I'm alive and well, your spirit is within me

Because you died and rose again.

Amazing love how can it be

That you my King should die for me

Amazing love, I know it’s true

And it’s my joy to honor you, in all I do to honor you.