Struggling with Emotions

By Jill Krueger Wagner

Since I was a little girl, I have struggled with one particular emotion. It grabs ahold of me and shoves me down into a state of utter defeat. I retreat into myself and am a most miserable woman.

I found a visual aide in Genesis 4:7 that helps me to fight emotions. Cain was struggling with anger and jealousy. He was upset that God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but not his. (Why God wasn’t pleased with his offering won’t be covered here). God told him, “If you do what is right (offer an acceptable sacrifice), will you not be accepted? BUT if you do not do what is right, sin is CROUCHING AT YOUR DOOR, it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

That is my visual aide. Emotions themselves aren’t necessarily sinful, although they can lead to sin, as in Cain’s case where his anger and jealousy led him to murder Cain. But when I picture my strongest emotions: anger, self-pity, or revenge, as crouching animals desiring to “have me,” control me, and make me act in a way that displeases God, it helps me to choose an emotion that is pleasing to God like joy, thankfulness, or forgiveness. I look for verses that speak of those good emotions and speak them out to God because I don’t want some crouching evil having its way with me.

Attitude Adjustments

By Jill Krueger Wagner

If you had a good father like I did, I would guess that more than once he had to adjust your bad attitude. One incident that illustrated that for me was when Dad was about 40 minutes late to pick me up from school. I was very perturbed. When he finally got there the first words out of his mouth were an apology – he owned his own business and a customer had come into the office just as he was about the leave to pick me up BUT I didn’t care, I vented my anger at being kept waiting. My first inkling that perhaps I shouldn’t have done that was his total silence. I soon forgot the unpleasant incident but my dad didn’t. He knew I needed and attitude adjustment – I was way too entitled. Sometime later I called to ask him to come pick me up. His response was, “I’m sorry Jill but I wouldn’t be able to come for at least 30 minutes and I know how you hate to wait so just walk home.” Then he hung up. Immediately I recognized my error in not appreciating my dad’s apology, his willingness to come and pick me up, and my heaping nastiness on that good man at the previous event. Lesson learned.

Those of us who are Christians have a good heavenly Father who also knows how to adjust our attitudes. He wants us to have the same attitude as Christ (Eph. 2:5) and when we don’t, He will find a way to adjust it.

I recall Job’s three friends who thought he was being punished for some secret sin when, in reality, he was “blameless and upright” in God’s sight. They had a twisted view of the situation and needed to offer a sacrifice for not speaking of God “what is right” (Job 42:7) and causing Job additional heartache in his already difficult situation. Fortunately for them, Job prayed for them and God forgave.

And I think of Saul, who later was called Paul. He was so certain that Jesus’ followers were wrong that he arrested them and put them in prison. He was on his way to Damascus to capture more Christians to bring them back to jail in Jerusalem when Jesus dramatically adjusted his attitude on the road (Acts 9). He went from persecutor to preacher in a short time.

In a similar story, John Newton went from slave trader to the minister who wrote “Amazing Grace.”

 Those of us who have had an encounter with the God of the universe know the power of our God. He can adjust what we believe and who we are through the power of His Word and His Spirit. We may welcome some adjustments or fight them, but ultimately “our God supplies all our needs” (Philippians 4:19). It’s good to embrace His correction for, in reality, He wants nothing but the best for you and “your arms are too short to box with God.” Don’t fight that losing battle, just accept His will, displaying an attitude like His dear Son.  

Sin!!!

 Sin as defined by “The American Heritage Dictionary” is 1) A transgression of a religious or moral law, especially when deliberate. 2. Theology. A condition of estrangement from God as a result of breaking His law. 3. Any offense, fault or error.

“The New Bible Dictionary” goes into far greater detail in three and a half pages covering terminology, origin, consequences, imputation (attributing sin to a source), depravity, inability, liability, and the conquest of sin. I wish each of you could read this. It gives a thorough understanding of the total destructiveness of sin, God’s response to it, and Jesus’ victory over it at the cross.

For 26 years of my life, I never thought I was a sinner but then when I realized that I was, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I had started to read the New Testament and realized there was no way I could do all that God required – His requirements were beyond human ability to obey. How can a person, whose very existence was tainted with rebellion, who possessed the seeds of sin passed down to every generation since Adam, ever live up to the holiness that God requires? I took my angst to my minister.

As a sat before this man of God, I expressed the frustration of a woman who knew beyond all doubt that she was unworthy of God’s love because deep in my heart I knew I was a rebel who was weak and helpless to do all He required.

Reverend Worman listened patiently to my problem and then he shocked me by his response. He slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!”

I was so taken back that I just stared at him.

He continued, and as I recall it said something like this. “Jill, if we could do all required of us in the law, Jesus would not have had to come to die for our sins. That is one big lesson from the Old Testament. God set down laws to show us the way to please Him, but He knew that, although we might strive to do all written there, because we’re fallen creatures, we’d never be able to live up to His requirements. So being a loving God, who cares for His creation, He made a way to satisfy the obligations of the law. 2 Corinthians 5:21 explains it like this. ‘For He (The Father) made Him (Jesus) to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.’

Jill, the moment you turned your life over to God, He gave you the righteousness of Christ. Never stop striving to do all written in the Scriptures but know that you’ll fall short. When you do, apply 1 John 1:1:9 ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’”

I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I WAS forgiven, the price of my sin had been paid for and He loves me, even when I don’t measure up.  

The lyrics to Amazing Love sum up my feelings:

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken,

I'm accepted, you were condemned

I'm alive and well, your spirit is within me

Because you died and rose again.

Amazing love how can it be

That you my King should die for me

Amazing love, I know it’s true

And it’s my joy to honor you, in all I do to honor you.

The Choice by Jill Krueger Wagner

Each year as the holidays approach we all have a choice to make. We can sink into sorrow as we recall former holidays and how much has changed. We can wallow in self-pity missing those who, in days gone by, made the season a joyful time. Or we can thank the good Lord that we have those memories. Many a person whose Christmas memories are laced with abuse or neglect would love to have the warm thoughts we possess.

It helps to recall that Jesus also made a choice. Before He was born as a baby to a poor couple and laid in a cold manger, He shared glory with the Father in Heaven (John 17:5). Can you imagine giving that up? Heaven is a place where there is no pain, no sorrow, and no sin. It’s a place of unity where love reigns and God’s will is always done (Matthew 6:10). Jesus is God (John 1:1,2, Hebrews 1:3, Colossians 2:9). The earth was created by Him and for Him (Colossians 1:16). Yet, He chose to come here to be born for the express purpose of saving mankind (Galatians 4:4-5). He took on the limitations of humanity (Philippians 2:7). At His arrest He could have called for twelve legions of angels to prevent his crucifixion but He chose not to do that (Matthew26:53). That was an unbelievable choice, done for you and me.

I think our response this Christmas season should be to choose to sing, “Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning, Jesus to Thee be all glory given: Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing! O Come let us adore Him! O Come let us adore Him! O come let us adore Him – Christ the Lord.”

May the good Lord bless and keep you. May you find the “peace that passes understanding” and grow daily in the knowledge and love of Him whose nativity we celebrate.

 

What I Learned From the Worst Thing

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

When my son died two months after my mom, I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me but a worse thing was coming. Todd died at home alone in Georgia with the air conditioning off during a hot spell. He wasn’t found for several days. His body was in bad shape and he couldn’t be positively identified. He hadn’t been to the dentist as an adult and the records from childhood had been destroyed two years before he died. He died in a small town in Georgia and his body was taken to Atlanta where they had a backup for autopsies in the coroner’s office. After some time, they sent the local police to our home to get a DNA sample to be able to identify Todd. FedEx lost the sample and the police had to come out again. This time the coroner from the country town Todd lived in had them send it to her and she actually drove the sample to Atlanta to guarantee it would get there. After all the delays Todd’s body wasn’t positively identified for three months and that was the worst thing.

There is no way to clear up an estate without a death certificate and when you don’t get one for three months that causes lots of complications. Vendors wouldn’t let me cancel services without the certificate but then wanted to charge his estate for those three months.

 The emotional toll wore on us more than anything but God was about to show us some eternal truths.

·       Having an established spiritual support system will get you through the most awful circumstances

·       Your fellow Christians will be a light in the dark places with just the right words to lift your tattered spirit and with Godly counsel on handling the delay

·       When your mind goes to the negative, God can give you a positive to counteract it

·       The Bible studies that you “just happen” to be doing will speak to your situation

·       The Lord will enable you to do tasks you never thought you could do

·       People working in country coroner’s offices have caring hearts

·       God will bring other Christians that you have never met to help with huge tasks

·       Others you’ve never met will bless you with words of praise for your child

·       An extended family reunion just “happened” to be planned & they poured out love on us

·       Sermons will uphold you with messages like, “Tomorrow is God’s responsibility. Trusting Him today is yours.”

·       A Rhett Walker concert planned months in advance is just the right thing to soothe our troubled hearts

·       When stress overwhelms me, God arranges to get me out of the situation

·       I’m to focus on God & who He is, not on the trials of life

·       Old friends reach out and nourish my soul

·       God gives wisdom and strength to not respond to attacks

·       An acronym I wrote years ago encourages me how to wait

o   Willingly

o   Accept

o   Immanuel’s

o   Timing

·       1 Peter 5:7-10 and Psalm 42:5 gives me steadfast resolve to fight through sadness

·       A reminder that Jesus is ALWAYS in my boat

·       Christian radio sermons, music, and listening to the Bible will raise my deflated soul

 

“you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Ps. 16:11

Difficult Relationship Checklist

 It's been several years since I posted this. Forgive me that it's all in CAPS!!!

DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS CHECKLIST

                                                     By Jill Krueger Wagner

PRAY:

            THAT GOD WILL ENABLE YOU TO LOVE YOUR DIFFICULT PERSON

            THAT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM/HER

                        IS PATIENT                           IS NOT EASILY ANGERED

                        IS KIND                                  KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS

                        IS NOT ENVIOUS                 DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL

                        IS NOT BOASTFUL              REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH

                        IS NOT PROUD                     ALWAYS PROTECTS

                        IS NOT RUDE                       ALWAYS TRUSTS

                        IS NOT SELF-SEEKING       ALWAYS HOPES

                                                                        ALWAYS PERSEVERES

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR D.R. FOR ANYTHING IN THE PAST?

            ASK GOD TO PURGE YOUR THOUGHT LIFE FROM THOUGHTS OF REVENGE AND NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TOWARDS OR ABOUT YOUR D.R.  ZECHARIAH 7:10b ROMANS 12:19

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU WHY YOUR D.R. DOES THE THINGS THAT UPSET YOU AND HOW TO RESPOND TO SUCH REVELATIONS

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU THE ROOT PROBLEM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT TO DO REGARDING THAT REVELATION.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ARE UNREASONABLE AND HOW TO AMEND THEM IF THAT IS THE CASE. ALSO ASK HOW TO GET LEGITIMATE NEEDS MET.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDARIES AGAINST YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD TO STRENGTHEN YOU FOR BATTLE WITH YOUR D.R. WHEN HE/SHE OVERSTEPS THE BOUNDARIES YOU’VE SET. JOHN 18:19-23

            ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU “…QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY, FOR MAN’S ANGER DOES NOT BRING ABOUT THE RIGHTEOUS LIVE THAT GOD DESIRES.” JAMES 1:19,20

            ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU “THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING” WHEN YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR D.R. PH. 4:7

            ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO “KEEP A WATCH” ON YOUR MOUTH SO THAT YOU DO NOT GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD FOR A “BATTLE PLAN” BEFORE CONFLICT ARISES WITH YOUR D.R. THIS PLAN SHOULD REFLECT GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOUR D.R. AND HIS DESIRE THAT YOU BOTH BE TREATED WITH THE DIGNITY YOU DESERVE.

            ASK GOD FOR A TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND TO PRAY WITH (BUT DO NOT REVEAL DETAILS ABOUT YOUR D.R. THAT MIGHT UPSET HIM/HER.)

            THANK GOD FOR THE SPIRITUAL GROWTH YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THROUGH YOUR D.R. BECAUSE “AS IRONS SHARPENS IRON, ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER.” PROVERBS 27:17

In this Painful Season

By Jill Krueger Wagner

Many times, when I’ve found myself in a difficult situation, I have asked God to show me how to navigate the circumstances in the light of Philippians 4:8. I would ask Him to show me what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, given the events that have unfolded. So today, I came before Him and asked how do I find those things following the deaths of my mother, my son, and my friend in a short six months’ time?

What is true: God hates death – it’s reign over us in temporary.

Death is God’s enemy and will one day be destroyed (1 Corinthians 15:26).

The Devil came to kill, steal, and destroy but Jesus came to give us abundant life (John 10:10).

Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil (1 John 3:8).

What is noble:

Jesus wept, (John 11:35) so grieve honestly without pretense. Crying is not something to hide. Know that Jesus will bring good from this (Romans 8:28).

What is right:

We’re in the world, so we’ll have trouble but Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33).

The death of God’s saints is precious to Him (Psalm 116:15) Mom, Todd, and Linda all knew God and were, therefore, saints.

What is pure:

I don’t grieve without hope as the world does, (1 Thessalonians 4:13) but know I’ll see Mom, Todd, and Linda again. I shouldn't fear strong emotions. If Jesus wept freely, so can I.

 What is lovely:

Thoughts of no more pain for my loved ones, not focusing on my loss but on their gain. Mom had been bed-ridden for eight months – now she’s walking streets of gold. Todd was tormented as a targeted individual – now he’s walking with Jesus and the saints, enjoying freedom. Linda’s health was so bad that she had difficulty walking a few steps – now she’s not hindered at all by her body.

 What is admirable:

Not hiding my pain but not displaying it unnecessarily either.

 What is excellent:

To believe all God says about death.

 What is Praiseworthy:

Proceeding daily to do all God’s called me to do.