Overcoming Parental Guilt by Jill Krueger Wagner

I still remember when years ago someone said to me, “Motherhood is just one big guilt trip.” We were young mamas and I didn’t agree at the time. There were indeed times when guilt overwhelmed me, like when Brandon complained he hurt his shoulder in a neighborhood baseball game and I thought he was overacting. Two days later a friend picked him up and caused him to cry. Finally I took him to the doctor and with one look the nurse pronounced that he obviously had a dislocated shoulder. Yep – that caused me lots of guilt.

Then there were times of overreaction to behavior – ranting and screaming in which the response didn’t fit the offense. Times when stress crashed in on me and I became unreasonable taking it out on the kids. Yes, there were times of guilt but my Mom, Dad and Jesus have taught me how to handle those.

Mom taught me through this great saying, “There was only one perfect person that ever walking this earth and they crucified Him.” The message I heard loud and clear was you won’t be a perfect parent so give yourself some grace. Learn from your mistakes.

Dad taught me what to do after you blew it as a parent. He had falsely accused me of doing something but then he discovered the truth. He immediately came to me, humbly asked my forgiveness, and tried to right the wrong. My estimation of him went up tenfold that day. I know some parents don’t think you should apologize to children but, honestly, kids aren’t stupid – they know when you’ve blown it. Fess up, ask their forgiveness. Admit your mistakes.

Jesus taught me that “love covers a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:8 and “If we confess our sins, he’s faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 And He points us to apply Philippians 4:8 to our kids. It’s too easy as a parent to focus on our kid’s negative behavior instead of looking at what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy in the person Jesus created them to be. If we read our Bibles consistently and stay close to Jesus, He’ll train us in the way we should go as parents so we can train them. Ask Jesus to show you how to overcome your mistakes.

My youngest is now 42 and my oldest 56 and I clearly see how some mistakes I made in raising all four of them negatively impacted them. I could beat myself up over that (and truthfully occasionally do) but there is nothing I can do to right those wrongs. I’ve confessed to them how I wish I’d done some things differently and they’ve graciously forgiven me so now there is only one thing left to do. I need to forgive myself for past mistakes.