By Jill Krueger Wagner
I was recently on the receiving end of some unsolicited advice and it reminded me of a situation I had years ago.
I’ve always tried to be a helpful person. If someone is
struggling in an area that I, too, have struggled and I’ve overcome the issue,
I often share what worked for me. It wasn’t until someone offered me some very
unwanted “help” that I realized how condescending that can be.
Since I became a Christian four years after I married, I
found myself “unequally yoked.” That is the term for a committed Christian who
is married to someone who isn’t yet committed. This caused many problems in our
home.
Around this time, the song, “Household of Faith” was
popular. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-IX8iBRt48&list=RDm-IX8iBRt48&start_radio=1
It was the desire of my heart to have such a home. Each time
I heard the song I yearned for it to be so. But one Sunday the song was sung at
my church and Ray and I were in a bad place. Hearing the song was too much for
my aching heart. I left the sanctuary, went into the bathroom and bawled.
A sweet young girl came in. She showed great concern for me
and her expressed concern was like a salve to my aching heart. Unfortunately,
she told an older woman about me. That woman came into the bathroom to “help”
me rescue my marriage. Unfortunately, she wasn’t led by the Holy Spirit. She
offered lots of different ideas to help me – all of which I had tried to no
avail, making me feel even more defeated. I didn’t want to explain that, I was hurting & didn’t want
her unsolicited advice.
After that encounter, the Lord reminded me of situations in
which I had offered unsolicited advice and it dawned on me how very patronizing
that can be.
Now, instead of plowing ahead, I ask the Holy Spirit if I
should say anything. I try to be sensitive to His leading. If I say something
like, “Oh, I’ve had to deal with that, too,” sometimes they will ask me what I
did. If they don’t, it’s my cue to ask if I can join them in prayer for the
situation. That way, I’m not approaching them in a superior fashion but as a
cohort in a situation.
