Books That Helped to Shape Me

By Jill Krueger Wagner

 I am who I am today through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. He has often used written material to shape me into the image He had in mind when He created me.

These stand out in my memory of those written words that transformed me from an angry, bitter woman into one who relishes life in Christ. First and foremost, the New Testament.   http://bit.ly/4r2Tto6 It was in the New Testament that I first learned that I could never be acceptable to God in my state of pride – in doing things my own way. He showed me, through reading that nobody is good enough to be forgiven on their own (Romans 3:23 & 6:23) – we all must humble ourselves to admit we are all sinners who need a Savior and then submit to His rule of our lives. Oh, the depths of the riches one can find in the Word of God! Strength to survive trials and wisdom beyond human understanding. If you read just 15 minutes a day, you can read the entire thing in 90 days.

Bible studies have taught me so much through the years. The one that stands out from all of them is “Experiencing God.” This is the only study that I have done four times and reaped wisdom each time. https://bit.ly/4a98dw6

A daily devotional is a great way to start the day with a focus on God. I’ve loved many through the years but the one that stands out is “My Utmost for His Glory.”  It was originally written years ago so it has some archaic language – reading an updated one will help to understand.

https://www.christianbook.com/utmost-for-his-highest-updated-edition/oswald-chambers/9781627078757/pd/078757?event=BRSRCQ|PSEN

Andrew Murray’s “Absolute Surrender” is a classic that I am presently rereading. It’s a gem.

https://bit.ly/4qBGPfV

At a time when I had to deal with some very unreasonable people the book “Fool-proofing Your Life” was extremely helpful.   https://bit.ly/3M3KBjf

Since I’ve suffered with the affliction of speaking when I should be silent, “When to Speak Up and When to Shut Up” is one that I often pull out. I keep a copy of the questions to ask before confronting family or friends handy in order to reign in my tendency to “open mouth, insert foot.”  https://bit.ly/4pVo7yS

Because I periodically face the trials of life, I love the little purple book, “The Secret Power of Speaking God’s Word.” It’s so nice to have a resource with the index of issues we all often face. Speaking God’s Word out is very helpful to counteract my own negative thinking and the messages I hear in the world.

https://www.christianbook.com/the-secret-power-speaking-gods-word/joyce-meyer/9780446577366/pd/577367?event=BRSRCP|PSEN&ps_exit=PRODUCT|legacy&search_term=The%20secret%20power&Ntt=577367&product_redirect=1

90 Day Challenge

By Jill Krueger Wagner

 I, once again, want to challenge you to take 15 minutes each day to read through the New Testament.

Someone once said that a person’s education is not complete without a thorough knowledge of the Bible. I have found this to be true. The one thing every Christian that I’ve admired had in common was a full knowledge of the Bible. Thus, I continue to say if you just take 15 minutes a day to read all of the New Testament, you will get an understanding of so many things. Among them, how God loves you, how God deals with sin, and how to be pleasing in His sight.

I want to address what happened to me when I first read the Bible.

·         I felt very guilty because I saw how lofty God’s standard is and how I fell woefully short. I went to my minister because I needed relief from the guilt. When I expressed my feelings that I could never measure up to God’s requirements, he slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!” At my confused look his explained, “Jill, if we could be good enough for God, Jesus would not have had to die to pay for our sins. Since we couldn’t measure up, He came and paid the price to cover all our sins.” I felt like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders and my gratefulness to God increased greatly.

·         I also noticed differences in the Gospels. They told the story with different details, each from a different perspective. I thought, if they all saw the same thing, wouldn’t the details match? It was someone familiar with the law who explained that when people came to court to give testimony about an event there was always variance in the details. If every detail matched there was a belief that there had been collusion and the testimony was disregarded. Different witnesses testifying to different details actually confirm the event not disprove it.

·         When I found what I thought were discrepancies, I contacted someone with more knowledge than I had and found plausible explanations.  

Today I occasionally still need forgiveness when I fall short of God’s holy standard. When that happens the first thing I do is confess and quote 1 John 1:9 to myself: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Then I remind myself of Romans 8:1, “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” I’m not perfect but I am forgiven, PRAISE GOD!!!!

Charlie Kirk and Philippians 4:8

By Jill Krueger Wagner

It is my practice when I’m faced with a disturbing situation to apply Philippians 4:8 to whatever is distressing me. The assassination of Charlie Kirk has undone me. He was such a good and godly man and a brave one too. In spite of many death threats, he continued to do what God called him to do. It appears that evil won in this situation but that’s also how it appeared when Jesus hung on the cross. Reality doesn’t always match what our eyes can see.

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

TRUE: Charlie died while faithfully fulfilling his purpose.

NOBLE: We mustn’t allow our emotions to drag us into thoughts of vengeance for as Romans 12:18-19 says: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

RIGHT: Pray for his family and those who witnessed his murder.

PURE: Don’t be contaminated by hatred for the assassin but pray for his capture and for God to bring him to repentance.

LOVELY: Charlie’s influence remains online & those who never knew of him are now been able to investigate his thoughts and arguments for truth.

ADMIRABLE: Learn from Charlie’s example how to disagree without being disagreeable

EXCELLENT: To be grateful for Charlie’s witness of Jesus and the truth that the ugliness of his murder can’t overcome the righteous life he lived.

 PRAISEWORTHY: Stand against the evil mindset that seeks to destroy truth with violence

A Stressless Christmas

By Jill Krueger Wagner

As a mom of four living on one income, I learned one of the ways to lessen time and money stress was to stretch out preparation for Christmas. My cue to start preparation was the beginning of the school year.

I would start with stockpiling the baking goods I’d need. Each week I’d buy something extra like flour, sugar, raisins, butter, or Crisco.

I would also look for small items for stockings. We had a budget for those and gifts. Setting that amount with your spouse is important. Back in the day we would spend $100 for each child’s gifts and $25 for stockings. It was a small budget but if I started early and bargain shopped, it would be enough.

Although much attention is focused on gifts, I found that gifts aren’t the thing that make Christmas successful to a child. Ask your kids what they love most about Christmas. They probably will say gifts but dig deeper and you’ll see what they love is time together with family or friends playing games, baking, or caroling.

To avoid last minute stress over a gift you forgot to buy, I suggest a list to use yearly. Here is a prompt so you don’t forget anyone written by my friend Cheryl Adams.

 

What are your goals for Christmas? I have mine on a 3x5 card that is at the front of a notebook I use to help with Christmas preparation. They are:

·         To be done shopping by December 10

·         To spread the true message of Christmas

·         To help those around me enjoy the holidays

·         To maintain a Christlike spirit

 

 

Daddy's Little Girl

By Jill Krueger Wagner

In the fall my thoughts often turn to my dad. His birthday is coming up on September 26.

This morning the songs he sang came to mine. He and I would sing together while I supplied the music by playing our Conn organ. He loved old show tunes and we would sing and sing and sing them. We had a couple of music books full of them but he had his favorites.

To encourage us he would often sing, “You’ve Gotta Have Heart” from Damn Yankees.

https://youtu.be/Ry8CpIg2fvU

Just listening to it again brought wonderful memories of Dad. He had to have heart going into business like he did with a family to support. He wasn’t a quitter even when the situation looked dire, he kept on keeping on and taught us to do the same.

He was an optimistic person, looking on the bright side of things. He was also a born encourager. One sweet memory I have is of us riding in the car and him patting my leg and saying, “You’re a nice girl Jill. I like you.” I felt so loved.

I also remember falling asleep in the car and him picking me up to carry me to bed. Sweet memories.

He had a positive world view, too. He had read the entire New Testament and determined to live like Jesus. He wasn’t a consistent church attender but he tried to always do the right thing and when he failed, he fessed up to the failure.

For instance, once he falsely accused me of something. I have no memory of what it was that he thought I’d done. However, I have a very clear memory of his coming to me when he found out the truth and asking me to forgive him. That takes a strong man to admit his failure to his child.

Another one of his beloved tunes was Louis Armstrong singing, “What a Wonderful World.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqhCQZaH4Vs

These positive songs lift my spirit and remind me of a time one of the boys was down and suggested he listen to some music and he responded that his music only made him feel worse. I was stunned. I thought that was in contrast to my music that lifts me up, the type of music Dad enjoyed.

Dad loved all of us and he showed his girls in a special way. We had “Daddy Dates” before it was a thing. He would take us downtown to see musicals. We were so proud to be seen with him.

Perhaps the most precious memory was of him singing “Daddy’s Little Girl.”

https://youtu.be/jskwqEmJzSE

Daddy, this “little girl” is 76 and she misses you.

A Lesson from King David

By Jill Krueger Wagner

This morning, I read Psalm 101 and I thought, “David obviously wrote this before his sin with Bathsheba.”

In verse 3 he said, “I refuse to look at anything vile or vulgar” but he didn’t look away when he saw Bathsheba taking a bath.

Also, in verse 3, “I hate all who deal crookedly…” yet he dealt very crookedly with Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, orchestrating his death.

Then in verse 6 he says he’ll “search for faithful people to be his companions” – wouldn’t that extend to those serving in his house? Yet someone in his house went to Bathsheba to bring her to David in spite of knowing she was Uriah’s wife.

Finally in verse 7, “I will not allow deceivers to serve in my house and liars will not stay in my presence.” BUT David himself deceived in taking Bathsheba as a wife with their child conceived in adultery after the unjust death of her husband.

Yet this is the man who is called “A man after God’s own heart.” The lesson I gleaned from this is no matter how much I want to do what is right, under some circumstances I, too, could break God’s holy laws. I must beware of emotions that can lead me astray from where I’m supposed to be into a place of temptation. David wasn’t at war with his troops where a king should be and I have to wonder why? But I should learn a lesson from that. Emotions are deceptive but the Word of God “leads us in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Stay faithful, Jill and pray that God places a Nathan in your life if you do go astray. Nathan was the prophet who convicted David of his sin bringing him to repentance. 

Wisdom from Above

What do these words have in common? They are: instructions, laws, commandments, decrees, regulations, word, commands, ways, deeds, and promises. They are all words used multiple times in psalm 119 to describe God’s works and the way to please Him. There are 176 verses broken into 22 sections – one for each letter of the Hebrew alphabet. Over and over again the author spells out the wisdom in following God’s instructions found in His Bible.

Theodore Roosevelt once said “A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education.” I concur!

I’m not an exceptional person BUT I’ve learned so much through studying the Bible that a person might think I am very learned – what I actually am is a person who listens to what the Bible says. I began back in 1974 reading it for the express purpose of checking if a doctrine was really in there.  I started in Genesis and read to Revelation and discovered that the doubted doctrine, although not specifically name in the Bible, is indeed in there.

This is not the way I would recommend for a novice to read the Bible because if you don’t get bogged down in Leviticus, Numbers might do you in. I suggest starting in the New Testament but do, at some point, read the Old – it helps you understand so much of the New.

I read through the Bible many years through a ministry called Bible Pathways. They would send me a booklet with the reading for the month and a checklist where I could chart my progress. For a woman who loves a checklist this was very helpful in keeping me committed.

There are many free reading programs to help someone take on this task and successfully complete it. Google “Free Bible reading programs” to find one that suits you. You don’t need to wait until January! If you start reading today in Matthew and read 15 minutes a day, you can read through the entire New Testament in 90 days. Read with a notebook on hand to jot down and questions that arise. There have been times when I thought I found errors in the book but when I investigated further or asked a Bible scholar, I would see that I was wrong.

I guarantee that if you take my challenge, you will have more knowledge than you ever thought possible! 

Baby Steps (and Falls) in My Early Spiritual Journey

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

Once I committed my life to Christ, I watched others in the church to see what it meant to be a committed Christian. I noted some who said they were Christians but didn’t act like it – their moral compasses didn’t seem to be pointing North to heaven. However, there were others who had a grace about them. They seemed content in their own skin and would lovingly stand up for what was right. They treated those around them with respect. I began to pick the brains of these North-facing ones because I wanted to be one, too. As I spoke with them, they all seemed to have one thing in common – they consistently read their Bibles. They believed that the Bible was the Word of God and they didn’t just read it, they studied it, and even memorized it. I knew that I wanted to be a like them so I determined to read the Bible. Also, around this same time, my brother-in-law challenged me regarding the doctrine of the Trinity. I determined to find out what the Bible said about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit being God. I started reading from Genesis to Revelation to determine if the doctrine was in there. It is. Nowhere are they called the Trinity but all three are clearly shown to be God. That was one challenge answered but another was going to present itself.

I come from a family of very strong women. My great-grandmother traversed the country in a covered wagon. My mother achieved many firsts for women in our area and my godmother, although not a blood relative, showed me by example that women could be whatever they wanted to be – she was the first woman mayor of my hometown and dramatically impacted Mentor, Ohio.

So, you can imagine my distress when I read, “Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord” Ephesians 5:22. My immediate response was typical of who I was at that time. “Not this German girl!”

Even if Ray had been committed to Christ at that time and was following the command given to husbands to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25, I don’t know if I would have submitted. But he wasn’t – at that time our home was more battleground than anything else. Ray was not happy with my new found faith – in his own words, “that’s not what I signed up for.” I certainly was not about to place myself under his control. I was not about to comply.

I went to see my minister to discuss the whole concept.

From what I remember about our talk, he explained as best he could to his hostile audience that the Bible didn’t say that women were less than men but that there was a prescribed hierarchy in marriage. I wasn’t buying it. I had a mind of my own and told him so. Again, he tried to explain that since God wants us to love Him with all our heart, soul, and mind, He wants us to use our minds. Furthermore, just like a ship must have only one captain in charge who must answer to the ship’s owners for any decision that impacts the ship and cargo, the husband is answerable to God for the “ship” of our marriage.  Still not buying it. Even when I told him that Ray didn’t want me coming to church, he said then I should stay home happily. NOPE!!! Perhaps I’d have to stay home (he wasn’t above hiding my keys) but I would not be happy about it and the man would know the wrath of Jill. He “allowed” me to go to church on Sundays but no other day.

So, ironically, because Bible study at church was out of the question Christian radio was where I learned what God expected of me. I was mentored by some giants in the faith through the radio. I got a solid grounding in what it really meant to be a Christian. AND, much to my dismay, these same mentors believed wives should submit to their husbands – even the teachers who were women. Did I submit then? NO!

Over and over, I was given the opportunity to obey God in this, and over and over, I rebelled. And just like the way God discipled Israel through the years, He started disciplining me in small ways – things happened that, in my spirit, I knew were discipline from God, but I persisted. Finally, one day when I had fought with Ray and stormed out of the house I got in my car in response to a disagreement. Then I got a flat tire. Now those of you in my hometown know that as the first family of the town at that time, we knew everyone. Yet, no matter how I tried, I couldn’t find anyone to help me with that dang tire. I had to call Ray and that stuck in my craw. However, after that, I heard the voice of the Lord. He asked me this question, “Jill, do you want to see what happens after the flat tire?” Suddenly the fear of our righteous God grabbed me and I knew I didn’t want to see what God would do next. I reluctantly told Him, I would obey.

I didn’t have to wait long for an opportunity. There was a series of classes at night at my church that I wanted to attend. I spoke to Ray of my desire to which he responded, “Absolutely not!” It was like someone put TNT in my mouth and I exploded. I screamed, “Absolutely not!!! Who do you think you are –  my father? I don’t need another father.” At this I once again heard the Lord say, “Jill, you’ve submitted data, now submit.” Reluctantly, I did.

The result was something I will never forget. From the sidelines of the football field where Ray was a volunteer coach for one of our sons, I saw one of the other coaches, who towered over Ray, over and over again poke him in the chest. I wondered what was going on.

When we got home, Ray told me about the man insisted on his own way and bullied Ray into going along. I couldn’t help but smile. He asked me what was so funny to which I responded “I know what it feels like to be bullied and it’s no fun.” His reply was, “Is this about that stupid class you want to take? Go ahead, I’ll watch the kids.” To say I was stunned would be an understatement. In all our years of marriage, Ray had never backed down from what he said, this was a first and all of a sudden, I remembered all those Christians who told me that when we do things God’s way, he intercedes for us. Lesson learned.

 

The Beginning of my Spiritual Journey

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

Several years ago, someone on Facebook asked me why I posted so much about God. My response was something like “because He’d done so much for me and I love Him deeply.”

God’s work in my life actually began before I was born. When my mom found out she was pregnant with me she already had three toddlers. She was not pleased with the news. She did not look forward to my birth but then… She was listening to the radio and a program came on about some awful disease that children could have when born. This totally adjusted her attitude. She began to diligently pray that I would be born without that disease, that I would be healthy. I was. I think those prayers set my life on a trajectory to love and serve God. Mom once told me that even as a very young child I had great faith and when I prayed my prayers were answered. She told me a story about a lost pet turtle that I prayed for and was found.

Then as a preschooler I lost 75% of my hearing. Being deaf is very isolating. When I wasn’t sure what people around me were saying, I isolated. But in my isolation, there was one Voice I could clearly hear – God’s. Thankfully an operation reversed my hearing loss. My connection with God remained strong. I still felt close to him and many a Sunday found me at St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church.

I loved praising Him and joined the children’s choir directed by Ruth Farrar. The bond with Him felt extra close when we sang those beautiful old hymns plus St. Andrew’s was set in the woods and the beauty of nature combined with hymns of praise raised my spirits high, high, high.

I continued to love God BUT then I went to Ohio State in the midst of the “God is Dead” movement and joined my peers in unbelief. Deep down in my spirit, I knew He existed and wasn’t dead but peer pressure is an intense thing. I backed away from church.

But then, four months after Ray and I married, Ray’s children from his first marriage came to live with us. I felt they needed to be in church so I took them to St. Andew’s. I even taught a children’s Sunday School class. I was content with a Sunday kind of faith until the Charismatic Movement hit.

Many Episcopalians are known as “the frozen chosen” with good cause. Outward expressions of emotion were frowned upon but then our church was inundated with Charismatics. Our minister, Rev. Bill Worman had a “born again” experience precipitating the invasion. I bristled at these new people with their tactless manifestations of emotional worship. They even stood up during worship and lifted their hands in praise! I was horrified. But then…

I noticed a couple of women, Terry Myers and Linda Woloszynek. They were unique to me. They talked about God like He was their best friend, like He even spoke to them and they had a real high regard for the Bible. I’d never really read the Bible, didn’t even own one so one day while at my mom’s home, I stole hers. It was the King James Version.

I think it was D.L. Moody who said, “Either this book will keep you from sin or sin will keep you from this book.” Reading the New Testament showed me that I could NEVER get into heaven without God’s forgiveness. His standards are too high. Again and again, I was reminded of how I didn’t measure up to God’s perfect ways. But as a charter member of “the frozen chosen” I would NEVER have responded to an altar call. Fortunately for me, God didn’t require a public profession for me to begin my walk with Him. For me that walk began in earnest in December 1974 when in my bedroom I vacillated between turning my life over to Christ or committing suicide. I decided that if life under Christ’s control didn’t work out, I could always commit suicide later. Fortunately, it has worked out. Oh, there were plenty of battles between my flesh and God but ultimately my arms are too short to fight with God and He won every battle. I’ll save those stories for another time. 

The Story Behind the Poem

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

 He was a tall boy with curly blond hair. He lived in the Mentor Headlands and rode my school bus. I learned that he had run away from home and when he returned, I asked him why. He responded, “Mrs. Wagner, my step-mom hates me.” Being a step-mom myself I told him, “Christopher sometimes it’s hard for a step-parent to communicate their love to their step-children but I’m sure she doesn’t hate you.” When he replied, “They didn’t even look for me for three days,” my heart sank. I wished I could have taken him in my arms and given him a big bear hug. That was when I decided to write him a poem to tell him that he was special and there was a reason for his life. Once written, I chose to give it out to the entire bus on the last day before Christmas vacation so that he wasn’t singled out. I don’t know if he ever “got” the message but since that time I have passed out that poem every Christmas season. Enjoy!

                                                              My Gift to You

                                                          By Jill Krueger Wagner

I’d like to give a gift to you, but it can’t be bought or sold. Still, it’s extremely valuable; it’s even worth more than gold. For with it you can find happiness that no one can destroy. No matter what life’s trial, this gift you’ll still enjoy. For this gift is the knowledge that there was a reason for your birth. And no matter who tells you otherwise your life has invaluable worth. So, when you’re feeling discouraged and you feel like a castaway remember, you’re here for a reason, never be led astray. Self-pity or an angry reaction to the trials in your life will destroy the work the Creator is trying to do through the strife. So, trust He knows what He’s doing and He will see you through. And remember; though He’s created billions - He only made one just like you.

Hearing God Speak

By Jill Krueger Wagner

In John 10:27 Jesus said, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.” However, if you claim to have heard from God, those who don’t know Him will think you’re crazy. Some Christians believe that once the New Testament was completed, God stopped speaking any way except through the Bible. Yet, in Malachi 3:6 we learn that “the Lord does not change” and Hebrews 13:8 we learn that “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” So, if He spoke to people in both the Old and New Testaments, doesn’t it make sense that He STILL speaks? Isn’t it possible that those who say God has never spoken to them, simply don’t recognize His voice? A former minister of mine once said something like, “It would be great if when thoughts come into our heads there was a little bubble like in the comics that said, ‘this is God speaking or this is the devil, or these are my own thoughts.’” We have to learn to discern where our thoughts come from and that isn’t always easy. Just like when God spoke to Elijah in a “still, quiet voice” (1 Kings 19:11-13), we need to recognize His Voice.

One sure fire way to know it’s NOT God speaking is if what you hear is contrary to the Bible. God will never tempt you to sin. (James 1:13) However, if you don’t know your Bible, how will you be able to be discern what sin is? The first step in learning God’s language, is to learn about Him. Since Jesus was “the exact representation” of God (Hebrews 1:3), reading the New Testament will educate you on who God is. God’s standard of holiness is VERY high. If Jesus had not covered all our sins when we repented and turned to Him, none of us would make it into His Kingdom. Now our names are written in the Lamb’s book of life (Revelation 21:27) and if we occasionally commit sin, we can depend on 1 John 1: 9 to make us holy in Christ, we’re acceptable by His blood not our worthiness (Romans 3:23-24).   

Priscilla Shirer mentioned that we should write down our interactions with God. That prompted me to go over my communication from God since December of 1974, which is when I repented and turned to Him. Sometimes when I heard His voice, I was ashamed, repented and was cleansed. Sometimes, I fought Him – totally deserving a lightening strike that never came but I did learn when I saw the results of my rebellion hurting my family. Sometimes His Words were the sweetest I’d ever heard, laying to rest past hurts. Sometimes it was challenging to obey but I saw in hindsight the good that came out of my reluctant obedience.

Learn to listen! And if you’re not sure that what you’re hearing is from God, ask your pastor or a mature Christian brother or sister to help you with discernment. 

Bittersweet Christmas by Jill Krueger Wagner

 Originally written for nursing home residents I was visiting.

Bittersweet Christmas – they’re not what they used to be

When our children woke with excitement & faces shone with glee

When we were young & our bodies responded as they should

We’d laugh & joke & plan the day knowing it would be good

These days there’s not much shopping we can do at our age,

Even if our legs could stand the walking, we no longer make a wage.

So, frustrations mount as we look back to Christmases gone by.

We fret & stew & reminisce but most of all, we cry;

It’s hard to fight the sorrow that persists as Christmas nears.

When all about seem cheerful but we find ourselves in tears

Then early one morning as I pray, I hear a still quiet voice say:

 

“Bittersweet Christmas? Why should this be?

I can tell you’ve taken your eyes off of me.

This season is not for worshipping you

And all the old holidays you knew.

This day is for me, come as a babe,

Humbling myself so you could be saved.

When sorrow overtakes you, it’s our old enemy

Trying to keep you from worshipping me.

Don’t give into self-pity but instead raise your voice

Glorify me by making this choice:

Choose to be happy for what I did that day,

Leaving my throne in heaven for a manger full of hay.

It was no small sacrifice to become a baby there

When I made the universe, everything everywhere.

And why should I, the God divine, humble myself so?

So you & every believer could overcome the foe.

Yet here you are forlorn, forgetting all I’ve done

Worshipping old earthly things, when your salvation has been won

And no small price did I pay to reconcile you to the Father,

So, this Christmas sing my praises – you may not have another!”

 

Lord, forgive me for my selfishness, I really didn’t see

This day is not for us, but instead to glorify thee

I vow it won’t be bittersweet, but the happiest one yet

And I’ll concentrate on giving joy & not on what I’ll get

I’ll look for those who need cheering & perhaps in that way

I’ll REALLY keep Christmas as a truly Christ- centered day.

 

Put a Dent in Depression

By Jill Krueger Wagner

In 2022, within a 7-month period, I lost my mother, our son, and a good friend. In addition, I had several other trials, among them was a dental condition that resulted in the loss of a front tooth and several months of visits to an endodontist to get a replacement tooth. I was reeling emotionally. One with whom I shared my burdens and received godly counsel was gone and, although I had many supporting me, I was plunged into a deep sorrow. Having been through other trials in my Christian walk, I knew God still loved me and, having learned from the book of Job to cling to God in difficulties, I did cling to Him. Still many days the sorrow seemed to overwhelm my entire being.

I had always been a joyful person yet, after this, many days when I opened my eyes a deep sense of overwhelming sorrow consumed me. I began to affirm the truths I knew from God’s Word out loud. I would say this upon awakening: “This is the day the Lord has made. I WILL rejoice & be glad in it! I will resist the devil & he will flee from me. Jesus is the way, the truth, & the life, He will show me how to overcome today. I am not my own, I was bought at a price; therefore, I will honor God with Kingdom thoughts. God has good plans for me so whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, I will think on such things. I will seize the day for Jesus dressed in the whole armor of God, the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the sword of the Spirit, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation & my feet ready to spread the Gospel. If God be for me, who can be against me? Private Wagner reporting for duty.”

Some days that was enough but on others, I needed more. Then I recalled a radio show I’d heard years before of another mother who had lost a child. She said the only thing that brought her out of that “deep night of the soul” was listening to the Bible on tape. Tapes have gone the way of the dinosaurs but I downloaded several YouVersion translations of the New Testament onto my phone and while brushing my teeth, washing my face, and getting dressed, I listen. It’s amazing to me how that can reorient my day. On really hard days, I would listen longer. I would carry my phone with me while making meals, doing dishes, cleaning, etc.

You Version is found at https://www.youversion.com/. Not all of the versions there have audio but many do.

If you have difficult days, try listening to the New Testament and you, too, might just put a dent in depression. HOWEVER, a word of warning. The first time I read the Bible, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Before that I never understood that God’s standards are unbelievably high. When I saw clearly how many ways I didn’t measure up, I was undone. I went to my minister to see what I should do. I had already made Jesus my Lord and Savior but oh the angst I felt when I realized I was in the wrong on many levels. I will never forget Rev. Bill Worman’s response. When I told him I could never measure up, he slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!” I’m sure it was the dumbfounded look on my face that told him – “nope, I haven’t a clue.” So, he explained, “Jill, if you could ever measure up to God’s standards, Jesus would not have had to die for your sins. The reason He came was mankind couldn’t hope to achieve God’s demands. We needed someone to cover our faults and Jesus did that.” The blinders fell from my eyes and I saw the truth that no matter how hard I tried to please God, I would always need a Savior who could stand in the gap between God’s righteous demands and my futile attempts to be good enough. So now when I read something in the Bible that reminds me that I don’t make the grade, I confess then recite 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful & just & will forgive us our sins & cleanse us from all righteousness.” Amen!!!

Struggling with Emotions

By Jill Krueger Wagner

Since I was a little girl, I have struggled with one particular emotion. It grabs ahold of me and shoves me down into a state of utter defeat. I retreat into myself and am a most miserable woman.

I found a visual aide in Genesis 4:7 that helps me to fight emotions. Cain was struggling with anger and jealousy. He was upset that God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but not his. (Why God wasn’t pleased with his offering won’t be covered here). God told him, “If you do what is right (offer an acceptable sacrifice), will you not be accepted? BUT if you do not do what is right, sin is CROUCHING AT YOUR DOOR, it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.”

That is my visual aide. Emotions themselves aren’t necessarily sinful, although they can lead to sin, as in Cain’s case where his anger and jealousy led him to murder Cain. But when I picture my strongest emotions: anger, self-pity, or revenge, as crouching animals desiring to “have me,” control me, and make me act in a way that displeases God, it helps me to choose an emotion that is pleasing to God like joy, thankfulness, or forgiveness. I look for verses that speak of those good emotions and speak them out to God because I don’t want some crouching evil having its way with me.

Attitude Adjustments

By Jill Krueger Wagner

If you had a good father like I did, I would guess that more than once he had to adjust your bad attitude. One incident that illustrated that for me was when Dad was about 40 minutes late to pick me up from school. I was very perturbed. When he finally got there the first words out of his mouth were an apology – he owned his own business and a customer had come into the office just as he was about the leave to pick me up BUT I didn’t care, I vented my anger at being kept waiting. My first inkling that perhaps I shouldn’t have done that was his total silence. I soon forgot the unpleasant incident but my dad didn’t. He knew I needed and attitude adjustment – I was way too entitled. Sometime later I called to ask him to come pick me up. His response was, “I’m sorry Jill but I wouldn’t be able to come for at least 30 minutes and I know how you hate to wait so just walk home.” Then he hung up. Immediately I recognized my error in not appreciating my dad’s apology, his willingness to come and pick me up, and my heaping nastiness on that good man at the previous event. Lesson learned.

Those of us who are Christians have a good heavenly Father who also knows how to adjust our attitudes. He wants us to have the same attitude as Christ (Eph. 2:5) and when we don’t, He will find a way to adjust it.

I recall Job’s three friends who thought he was being punished for some secret sin when, in reality, he was “blameless and upright” in God’s sight. They had a twisted view of the situation and needed to offer a sacrifice for not speaking of God “what is right” (Job 42:7) and causing Job additional heartache in his already difficult situation. Fortunately for them, Job prayed for them and God forgave.

And I think of Saul, who later was called Paul. He was so certain that Jesus’ followers were wrong that he arrested them and put them in prison. He was on his way to Damascus to capture more Christians to bring them back to jail in Jerusalem when Jesus dramatically adjusted his attitude on the road (Acts 9). He went from persecutor to preacher in a short time.

In a similar story, John Newton went from slave trader to the minister who wrote “Amazing Grace.”

 Those of us who have had an encounter with the God of the universe know the power of our God. He can adjust what we believe and who we are through the power of His Word and His Spirit. We may welcome some adjustments or fight them, but ultimately “our God supplies all our needs” (Philippians 4:19). It’s good to embrace His correction for, in reality, He wants nothing but the best for you and “your arms are too short to box with God.” Don’t fight that losing battle, just accept His will, displaying an attitude like His dear Son.  

Sin!!!

 Sin as defined by “The American Heritage Dictionary” is 1) A transgression of a religious or moral law, especially when deliberate. 2. Theology. A condition of estrangement from God as a result of breaking His law. 3. Any offense, fault or error.

“The New Bible Dictionary” goes into far greater detail in three and a half pages covering terminology, origin, consequences, imputation (attributing sin to a source), depravity, inability, liability, and the conquest of sin. I wish each of you could read this. It gives a thorough understanding of the total destructiveness of sin, God’s response to it, and Jesus’ victory over it at the cross.

For 26 years of my life, I never thought I was a sinner but then when I realized that I was, I was overwhelmed with guilt. I had started to read the New Testament and realized there was no way I could do all that God required – His requirements were beyond human ability to obey. How can a person, whose very existence was tainted with rebellion, who possessed the seeds of sin passed down to every generation since Adam, ever live up to the holiness that God requires? I took my angst to my minister.

As a sat before this man of God, I expressed the frustration of a woman who knew beyond all doubt that she was unworthy of God’s love because deep in my heart I knew I was a rebel who was weak and helpless to do all He required.

Reverend Worman listened patiently to my problem and then he shocked me by his response. He slapped his knee and said, “Praise God, you’ve got it!”

I was so taken back that I just stared at him.

He continued, and as I recall it said something like this. “Jill, if we could do all required of us in the law, Jesus would not have had to come to die for our sins. That is one big lesson from the Old Testament. God set down laws to show us the way to please Him, but He knew that, although we might strive to do all written there, because we’re fallen creatures, we’d never be able to live up to His requirements. So being a loving God, who cares for His creation, He made a way to satisfy the obligations of the law. 2 Corinthians 5:21 explains it like this. ‘For He (The Father) made Him (Jesus) to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.’

Jill, the moment you turned your life over to God, He gave you the righteousness of Christ. Never stop striving to do all written in the Scriptures but know that you’ll fall short. When you do, apply 1 John 1:1:9 ‘If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.’”

I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. I WAS forgiven, the price of my sin had been paid for and He loves me, even when I don’t measure up.  

The lyrics to Amazing Love sum up my feelings:

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken,

I'm accepted, you were condemned

I'm alive and well, your spirit is within me

Because you died and rose again.

Amazing love how can it be

That you my King should die for me

Amazing love, I know it’s true

And it’s my joy to honor you, in all I do to honor you.

The Choice by Jill Krueger Wagner

Each year as the holidays approach we all have a choice to make. We can sink into sorrow as we recall former holidays and how much has changed. We can wallow in self-pity missing those who, in days gone by, made the season a joyful time. Or we can thank the good Lord that we have those memories. Many a person whose Christmas memories are laced with abuse or neglect would love to have the warm thoughts we possess.

It helps to recall that Jesus also made a choice. Before He was born as a baby to a poor couple and laid in a cold manger, He shared glory with the Father in Heaven (John 17:5). Can you imagine giving that up? Heaven is a place where there is no pain, no sorrow, and no sin. It’s a place of unity where love reigns and God’s will is always done (Matthew 6:10). Jesus is God (John 1:1,2, Hebrews 1:3, Colossians 2:9). The earth was created by Him and for Him (Colossians 1:16). Yet, He chose to come here to be born for the express purpose of saving mankind (Galatians 4:4-5). He took on the limitations of humanity (Philippians 2:7). At His arrest He could have called for twelve legions of angels to prevent his crucifixion but He chose not to do that (Matthew26:53). That was an unbelievable choice, done for you and me.

I think our response this Christmas season should be to choose to sing, “Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning, Jesus to Thee be all glory given: Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing! O Come let us adore Him! O Come let us adore Him! O come let us adore Him – Christ the Lord.”

May the good Lord bless and keep you. May you find the “peace that passes understanding” and grow daily in the knowledge and love of Him whose nativity we celebrate.

 

What I Learned From the Worst Thing

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

When my son died two months after my mom, I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me but a worse thing was coming. Todd died at home alone in Georgia with the air conditioning off during a hot spell. He wasn’t found for several days. His body was in bad shape and he couldn’t be positively identified. He hadn’t been to the dentist as an adult and the records from childhood had been destroyed two years before he died. He died in a small town in Georgia and his body was taken to Atlanta where they had a backup for autopsies in the coroner’s office. After some time, they sent the local police to our home to get a DNA sample to be able to identify Todd. FedEx lost the sample and the police had to come out again. This time the coroner from the country town Todd lived in had them send it to her and she actually drove the sample to Atlanta to guarantee it would get there. After all the delays Todd’s body wasn’t positively identified for three months and that was the worst thing.

There is no way to clear up an estate without a death certificate and when you don’t get one for three months that causes lots of complications. Vendors wouldn’t let me cancel services without the certificate but then wanted to charge his estate for those three months.

 The emotional toll wore on us more than anything but God was about to show us some eternal truths.

·       Having an established spiritual support system will get you through the most awful circumstances

·       Your fellow Christians will be a light in the dark places with just the right words to lift your tattered spirit and with Godly counsel on handling the delay

·       When your mind goes to the negative, God can give you a positive to counteract it

·       The Bible studies that you “just happen” to be doing will speak to your situation

·       The Lord will enable you to do tasks you never thought you could do

·       People working in country coroner’s offices have caring hearts

·       God will bring other Christians that you have never met to help with huge tasks

·       Others you’ve never met will bless you with words of praise for your child

·       An extended family reunion just “happened” to be planned & they poured out love on us

·       Sermons will uphold you with messages like, “Tomorrow is God’s responsibility. Trusting Him today is yours.”

·       A Rhett Walker concert planned months in advance is just the right thing to soothe our troubled hearts

·       When stress overwhelms me, God arranges to get me out of the situation

·       I’m to focus on God & who He is, not on the trials of life

·       Old friends reach out and nourish my soul

·       God gives wisdom and strength to not respond to attacks

·       An acronym I wrote years ago encourages me how to wait

o   Willingly

o   Accept

o   Immanuel’s

o   Timing

·       1 Peter 5:7-10 and Psalm 42:5 gives me steadfast resolve to fight through sadness

·       A reminder that Jesus is ALWAYS in my boat

·       Christian radio sermons, music, and listening to the Bible will raise my deflated soul

 

“you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” Ps. 16:11

Difficult Relationship Checklist

 It's been several years since I posted this. Forgive me that it's all in CAPS!!!

DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS CHECKLIST

                                                     By Jill Krueger Wagner

PRAY:

            THAT GOD WILL ENABLE YOU TO LOVE YOUR DIFFICULT PERSON

            THAT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM/HER

                        IS PATIENT                           IS NOT EASILY ANGERED

                        IS KIND                                  KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS

                        IS NOT ENVIOUS                 DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL

                        IS NOT BOASTFUL              REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH

                        IS NOT PROUD                     ALWAYS PROTECTS

                        IS NOT RUDE                       ALWAYS TRUSTS

                        IS NOT SELF-SEEKING       ALWAYS HOPES

                                                                        ALWAYS PERSEVERES

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR D.R. FOR ANYTHING IN THE PAST?

            ASK GOD TO PURGE YOUR THOUGHT LIFE FROM THOUGHTS OF REVENGE AND NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TOWARDS OR ABOUT YOUR D.R.  ZECHARIAH 7:10b ROMANS 12:19

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU WHY YOUR D.R. DOES THE THINGS THAT UPSET YOU AND HOW TO RESPOND TO SUCH REVELATIONS

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU THE ROOT PROBLEM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT TO DO REGARDING THAT REVELATION.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ARE UNREASONABLE AND HOW TO AMEND THEM IF THAT IS THE CASE. ALSO ASK HOW TO GET LEGITIMATE NEEDS MET.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDARIES AGAINST YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD TO STRENGTHEN YOU FOR BATTLE WITH YOUR D.R. WHEN HE/SHE OVERSTEPS THE BOUNDARIES YOU’VE SET. JOHN 18:19-23

            ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU “…QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY, FOR MAN’S ANGER DOES NOT BRING ABOUT THE RIGHTEOUS LIVE THAT GOD DESIRES.” JAMES 1:19,20

            ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU “THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING” WHEN YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR D.R. PH. 4:7

            ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO “KEEP A WATCH” ON YOUR MOUTH SO THAT YOU DO NOT GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD FOR A “BATTLE PLAN” BEFORE CONFLICT ARISES WITH YOUR D.R. THIS PLAN SHOULD REFLECT GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOUR D.R. AND HIS DESIRE THAT YOU BOTH BE TREATED WITH THE DIGNITY YOU DESERVE.

            ASK GOD FOR A TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND TO PRAY WITH (BUT DO NOT REVEAL DETAILS ABOUT YOUR D.R. THAT MIGHT UPSET HIM/HER.)

            THANK GOD FOR THE SPIRITUAL GROWTH YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THROUGH YOUR D.R. BECAUSE “AS IRONS SHARPENS IRON, ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER.” PROVERBS 27:17

In this Painful Season

By Jill Krueger Wagner

Many times, when I’ve found myself in a difficult situation, I have asked God to show me how to navigate the circumstances in the light of Philippians 4:8. I would ask Him to show me what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy, given the events that have unfolded. So today, I came before Him and asked how do I find those things following the deaths of my mother, my son, and my friend in a short six months’ time?

What is true: God hates death – it’s reign over us in temporary.

Death is God’s enemy and will one day be destroyed (1 Corinthians 15:26).

The Devil came to kill, steal, and destroy but Jesus came to give us abundant life (John 10:10).

Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil (1 John 3:8).

What is noble:

Jesus wept, (John 11:35) so grieve honestly without pretense. Crying is not something to hide. Know that Jesus will bring good from this (Romans 8:28).

What is right:

We’re in the world, so we’ll have trouble but Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33).

The death of God’s saints is precious to Him (Psalm 116:15) Mom, Todd, and Linda all knew God and were, therefore, saints.

What is pure:

I don’t grieve without hope as the world does, (1 Thessalonians 4:13) but know I’ll see Mom, Todd, and Linda again. I shouldn't fear strong emotions. If Jesus wept freely, so can I.

 What is lovely:

Thoughts of no more pain for my loved ones, not focusing on my loss but on their gain. Mom had been bed-ridden for eight months – now she’s walking streets of gold. Todd was tormented as a targeted individual – now he’s walking with Jesus and the saints, enjoying freedom. Linda’s health was so bad that she had difficulty walking a few steps – now she’s not hindered at all by her body.

 What is admirable:

Not hiding my pain but not displaying it unnecessarily either.

 What is excellent:

To believe all God says about death.

 What is Praiseworthy:

Proceeding daily to do all God’s called me to do.