Overcoming Parental Guilt by Jill Krueger Wagner

I still remember when years ago someone said to me, “Motherhood is just one big guilt trip.” We were young mamas and I didn’t agree at the time. There were indeed times when guilt overwhelmed me, like when Brandon complained he hurt his shoulder in a neighborhood baseball game and I thought he was overacting. Two days later a friend picked him up and caused him to cry. Finally I took him to the doctor and with one look the nurse pronounced that he obviously had a dislocated shoulder. Yep – that caused me lots of guilt.

Then there were times of overreaction to behavior – ranting and screaming in which the response didn’t fit the offense. Times when stress crashed in on me and I became unreasonable taking it out on the kids. Yes, there were times of guilt but my Mom, Dad and Jesus have taught me how to handle those.

Mom taught me through this great saying, “There was only one perfect person that ever walking this earth and they crucified Him.” The message I heard loud and clear was you won’t be a perfect parent so give yourself some grace. Learn from your mistakes.

Dad taught me what to do after you blew it as a parent. He had falsely accused me of doing something but then he discovered the truth. He immediately came to me, humbly asked my forgiveness, and tried to right the wrong. My estimation of him went up tenfold that day. I know some parents don’t think you should apologize to children but, honestly, kids aren’t stupid – they know when you’ve blown it. Fess up, ask their forgiveness. Admit your mistakes.

Jesus taught me that “love covers a multitude of sins” 1 Peter 4:8 and “If we confess our sins, he’s faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 And He points us to apply Philippians 4:8 to our kids. It’s too easy as a parent to focus on our kid’s negative behavior instead of looking at what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy in the person Jesus created them to be. If we read our Bibles consistently and stay close to Jesus, He’ll train us in the way we should go as parents so we can train them. Ask Jesus to show you how to overcome your mistakes.

My youngest is now 42 and my oldest 56 and I clearly see how some mistakes I made in raising all four of them negatively impacted them. I could beat myself up over that (and truthfully occasionally do) but there is nothing I can do to right those wrongs. I’ve confessed to them how I wish I’d done some things differently and they’ve graciously forgiven me so now there is only one thing left to do. I need to forgive myself for past mistakes.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going! By Jill Krueger Wagner

Being a mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world. If, as little girls, we dreamed of one day being a mom, I doubt any of us dreamed of how we’d handle public meltdowns, being in a constant state of exhaustion, disagreements with our spouse over discipline, and handling constant sibling rivalry. (See

http://redeemedmoments.blogspot.com/2020/04/gods-fight-school-by-jill-krueger-wagner.html

for my thoughts on that.) We thought of cuddling our babies, hearing them express their love for us, and showing them off in adorable little outfits when young and bragging about their achievements as they got older. Alas whoever first said motherhood was a thankless job spoke the truth. UNTIL years later when those same children look around and see how they benefitted from having a wise, loving mom as compared to those who were not as blessed. In our society that wants instant everything, it’s hard to wait decades for a reward but I can tell you, it’s worth it. Keep on keeping on mama, don’t give up. You can do this. They are worth your investment. Your ROI will come.

Take those babies to church and teach them to “love one another.” Have them memorize Bible verses that will be a benefit to them when they are tempted to do something that will compromise their integrity and make them “less.” Read your Bible so you may “grow daily in the knowledge and love of the Lord,” so that you are wise in the way you raise them and how you treat their father. Reading God’s Word allows you to hear the voice of the Lord speaking through His written Word. He is the absolute best counselor on how to train your children. When kids act up sometimes they need discipline and sometimes they need a listening ear, a hug, and some guidance on a better way to handle their frustrations. Pray for your guidance, pray for them and with them. There are unseen forces who want to destroy their lives – stand between them and those forces

You’ve got this mama. It may be hard but you must, “never give up, never give up, never, never, never give up!”

Love Even That Neighbor By Jill Krueger Wagner

In the parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25-37), Jesus showed that your neighbor wasn’t just someone who lived in your vicinity but anyone brought into your life through circumstances. So not only your immediate neighbors but also coworkers, fellow Sunday school attenders, Facebook friends, restaurant servers, etc.

I feel great conviction about my wrong attitude when I realize that I’m to love even those who possess the character qualities that I personally find annoying. Instead, I want to rant to my husband and my best friend about their very exasperating behavior.

I know what love is according to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, yet I don’t want to apply it to this person who simply rubs me the wrong way. Yet God wants me to love her because He loves her and His requirements are clearly spelled out in Roman’s 12:10 where it says, “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.”

So I’m asking today if you will pray for me to love one I consider grating and, if you need me to do the same for you, feel free to let me know here or send me a personal message.

Our 2020 Christmas Letter

 

Many of you know that 2020 started off very rough for Ray and me. Ray suffered a stroke on December 23 while we were in Cleveland. That was followed by a week in University Hospital. Then after we got back to Charlotte he went into rehab, followed by months of physical, occupational, and speech therapy. Although the therapists were first rate things looked grim at first. I wondered if I should even attempt to write a Christmas letter this year but God deserves glory for all He did in our trial.

“God wraps grace around us to hold us together during the storms of life. It means that when the wind and waves are beating on our lives from all sides, and we fear we aren’t going to make it through, His grace holds us together; His grace supports us; His grace strengthens us; His grace keeps us secure. It doesn’t stop the waves from coming, but it keeps us from falling apart.” Erin H. Warren from her book “Way Maker.”

As I looked over the entries in my thank you journal I saw how God stepped up for us. He provided financially through my employer. There was no way I could have gone to work and left Ray but I was given paid medical leave.

God provided practical and spiritual support through our church and family and friends – prayers, calls, and cards lifted us up to remind us that we weren’t in this alone. The church supplied the wheelchair we needed. I praise God that our services were online because I needed spiritual food and one sermon in particular was just for me. Pastor said, “Circumstances can’t destroy you when your savior defines you.” Amen Talbot! Our church family also supplied dozens of meals first because of Ray’s stroke then because I broke my foot.

God supplied emotional help, too. On days when I needed to get out of the house, fellow Christians came to sit with Ray. The nurse from BGEA helped me navigate the things I had to do because Ray’s primary care physician didn’t do the job of coordinating his care. Our kids and our son-in-law went above and beyond to help in so many ways. I know I could not have navigated what was required of me without them.

Physically Ray is doing very well now. He does still struggle with some short-term memory loss but honestly who doesn’t at our age?

Although working from home due to COVID was an additional drag, I came to REALLY enjoy working in my PJs and sleeping in later. I actually get much more done without the normal distractions of an office setting.

One very bright spot in our year was celebrating our 50^th wedding anniversary. Meredith originally wanted to have a big party but because of COVID that was out of the question so she invited us to her lake house. We carefully traveled to Ohio and she planned a Zoom meeting of many family and friends and fixed us a fantastic meal.

All in all, Ray and I feel that, although not our favorite year, 2020 will go down in the Wagner family history as a year when God helped us, sustained us, and grew us spiritually.

May God bless your Christmas and the New Year.

                                                                                    Love,

                                                                                    Ray and Jill

Let your love be evident to all

 By Jill Krueger Wagner

An old song declared, “They will know we are Christians by our love.” Unfortunately that is not the case today. Many Christians are known more for their antagonism towards anyone who is different from them. That breaks my heart.

A good portion of the New Testament addressed how God made one people out of Jews and Gentiles yet today the challenge seems to be to make one church of conservatives and liberals. It must break God’s heart to see accusations thrown at His people from His people. I wish each one of us would remember that Satan is the “accuser of the brethren” and when we accuse a brother or sister we are taking a play from the devil’s playbook. He loves that.

Instead we should be living 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7. This is a favorite portion of the Bible for me. It was one of the Scriptures God used to redeem my marriage by constantly asking me, “Are you loving Ray with 1 Corinthians 13 love yet?”

I wish before each of us posted on social media or spoke to another Christian we would ask ourselves, does this evidence 1 Corinthians 13 love. Is it patient, kind, envious, boastful, proud, does it dishonor a fellow Christian, is it self-seeking, easily angered, does it keep a record of wrong. Does it delight in evil or rejoice with the truth. Does it protect, trust, hope and persevere? Does it represent our loving God or our accusing enemy?

“If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself,' you do well.” James 2:8

Chosen Yet Delivered into the Enemy’s Hands

By Jill Krueger Wagner

It’s pretty common knowledge that the Bible says the Jews are God’s Chosen People. The unfortunate thing is that the Jews didn’t understand that God’s choosing didn’t make them better than others. Instead it gave them a sacred trust to live a life worthy of the God they served. Living by the Law set them apart so they might show the rest of the world the difference that walking with God made. They weren’t better, the God they served was better than the “gods” of other nations and His law gave them a better life.

Believing they had a special relationship with God, they assumed that He would allow them to sin without repercussions. They were wrong. The watching world saw how they acted and their sin tarnished God’s reputation. For years God tried to draw them back into a right relationship with Him. He sent them prophets who warned them of impending judgement. They didn’t take kindly to that. They persecuted those prophets. They had forgotten that “The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.”

Their sins were huge. They served other gods along with the one true God. A sin He called adultery. They also offered living sacrifices of their own children to those other gods. Both sins were strictly forbidden in the Law.

When God’s patience reached its limit, God sent violent, cruel countries to invade Israel. Many Jews were killed and others were taken into captivity.

Why am I bringing all of this up? America has also had a special relationship with God. She was founded by Christians who were fleeing persecution in other nations. For a good portion of her existence she was considered a Christian nation – a nation where the Judeo-Christian ethic was honored. Yet in recent years, that ethic has not been honored but instead, disdained. She has turned her back on the Bible and has murdered millions of her own children. Preachers who point this out are ridiculed for being backward.

Can we escape the fate Israel was dealt? Not if God is faithful to his Word. The injustice of murder taints our land and Jehovah is a jealous God who won’t share his throne with any other gods.

Good and Evil in Marriage

By Jill Krueger Wagner

I doubt that anyone would disagree with the statement that there are two opposing forces in the world: forces for good and forces for evil. However, some might argue with the thought that those two forces each have an architect behind them.

There probably isn’t a husband or wife alive who, at one time or another, thought that their spouse was acting just plain evil (or stupid, insensitive, asinine, etc.). Usually when we’ve been hurt or disappointed our mind goes toward the negative and nobody can hurt or disappoint like a spouse.

It would be disturbing to actually think that some evil beings were behind a spouse’s actions that upset us, but that is exactly what the Bible says:

“For our struggle in not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

Who is pulling the strings of your spouse’s actions? Who gains when spouses fight? The hate-filled one who loves disunity, fighting, and arguing. The thief who wants to steal your happiness, the Devil.

Who loses? Husbands, wives, and God.

If those rulers, authorities, powers, and evil forces can keep you focused on your mate’s behavior, they have a good chance of dividing you.

If, on the other hand, God can get you to “love one another,” “be kind one to another, tenderhearted forgiving one another,” He can bind you together with love. God wins and so do you and your spouse.

You see Jesus said “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 God wants you to have a good marriage.

Remember who your REAL enemy is. Also remember that “a good marriage is made up of two good forgivers.”