My Biggest Failure

By Jill Krueger Wagner 

 

Our mother taught us to pray from an early age. She and my father were moral people. I remember my dad telling me that he had read all of the New Testament and attempted to live his life according to its principals.

Being raised in the 50s, we were expected to go to church every Sunday. That was one of the reasons that St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church was started by our dad and a group of likeminded individuals. Can you imagine trying to get four littles ready for a church 15-20 minutes away? We needed a church closer so they set about forming one.

As a child I had a very spiritual nature. I attribute that to two things. My mom’s prayers for me before I was born and my loss of hearing as a preschooler. When I couldn’t hear others speaking, I think I was more attuned to God. Even after the operation that restored my hearing, I felt very close to God and wanted to please Him.

That closeness was temporarily lost in college during the “God is Dead” Era. Even after college, having grown up in a household that valued work, I felt my productivity was the most important thing in my life. But then I became desperate for God and turned back to Him. Unfortunately, on occasion, I still struggle with making productivity my God.

When I turned back to God I was raising Ray, 10-years-old, Todd, 8-years-old, and Brandon 17 months. Meredith hadn’t yet been born yet. I dived full-force into being a Christian. Reading my Bible, going to church, and even listening to Christian radio. I attempted to instill into the kids “Christian principles.” I stressed performance way too much. Prayer and listening to God’s voice was lost in the shuffle of a busy household.

If I could go back to those days, I would do this. I would tell them that God loves them even more than I do and He wants to guide them. I would remind them that there would be times when I wasn’t with them and they would need His wisdom. I would still try to instill in them a love for the Bible, because it’s how we learn what God is like BUT I would tell them to seek His voice.

My minister once told me, “Jill in our heads there are voices we hear; our own, God’s, and the Devil’s. The challenge is to determine who we are hearing.” I would add “the world” to that list.  I never taught that to my kids. Knowing the Bible helps us discern what God would or would not condone BUT the way He tenderly leads each of us is unique to each person.

If you have kids, make them aware that God still speaks – the world says He doesn’t. When they are little challenge them by asking them if “this or that” sounds like God. Pray with them and let them hear you pray for them. I can’t help but feel that my lack in this area is my biggest failure. Don’t make the same mistake!