Mother's Day Alone

Mother’s Day Alone

Ray, my husband, had wanted to move south for years. I resisted him for years. As a woman with a high maternal sense, I wanted to stay near my family. But I heard the “still quiet voice of the Lord” saying to “go.” Ray pushed for Florida. I pushed to stay in Ohio. We compromised on Charlotte, NC.

Many times I’ve told new friends that if they look closely they could see two little heel marks all the way down Route 77 – evidence of my being dragged to the Carolinas. Don’t misunderstand. I love living in Charlotte. I’ve found a wonderful church. I’ve made wonderful friends and I’ve found my niche in woman’s ministry. But I was content where I grew up. It’s difficult to start over again. Many of our holidays are spent traveling to family in Ohio, or waiting for them to come here. But that’s just the big holidays. Small holidays are a different story. We’re often alone.

As Mother’s Day 2002 approached I knew I was going to be without any of my four children or my mother.  I was planning a full-blown pity party. Why did we have to move south anyway? Yes, the weather was much better. Yes, Ray had a better job. But my children were elsewhere. How could I be content here without the kids or grandkids? “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”1Timothy 6:6 NIV But how do you make yourself be content? How do you put away your mothering feelings after so many years? My youngest was in college (in Ohio). My oldest was married with two children  (in Ohio). The two middle sons and two more grandchildren lived on California. I’d been a mother for 32 years so how was I to act now?  I knew I was where God wanted me to be but I was still so lonely for that mother/child bond.

I remembered the scripture that God had shown me on the day I left for Charlotte. As I traveled alone with my dog, driving 500 miles to join Ray I rehearsed it until it was memorized. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV But I was discouraged. So I prayed. “Oh, Lord, please let one of the neighborhood children remember me for Mother’s Day.” I told no one of my prayer.

Ray was very sweet. He knew this was hard for me. I told him not to buy me a big gift for the day. He had been very generous on Valentine’s Day and so I told him that all I wanted was a single rose.

The night before Mother’s Day the doorbell rang. I opened the door to find my sweet little neighbor Alyssa standing in front of me looking very shy. She pulled a single rose from behind her back and said “Happy Mother’s Day Miss Jill.”

It was a Happy Mother’s Day. I was not discouraged at living in the Carolinas. I reveled in the fact that I was where God wanted me and I knew that day that I have a God who fulfills all my needs “according to all his riches in glory.” He even fulfills my need for a child to remember me on Mother’s Day.

Thank you Lord for loving me and for little Alyssa Cunningham, too.

A Bad Marriage Turned Around by Jill Wagner

I wrote this over seven years ago but it's still applicable!

Eleven days ago my husband gave me a bouquet of flowers for our 33^rd wedding anniversary. This morning they still look wonderful. I remarked to him “just like our love they refuse to die.” He smiled. Things were not always so sweet between us. There was a time when the primary emotion I felt from him was rejection. The primary one he felt from me was anger.       

            Our problems were huge and too many to recount here but did you know that the Bible has a “love potion”? It’s not a magic potion but it never fails. It’s formula is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (N.I.V.) God used that scripture we so often hear at weddings to heal my marriage.

            The focus of my prayer life at that time was on God changing Ray. I was tired of the way he treated me. I was sick of the rejection and the disrespect. I wanted out but knew how God felt about divorce. My minister told me the three options when in a bad marriage: Divorce, learn to live with it or change your bad marriage into a good one. I opted for change. Unfortunately I just wanted Ray to change because I was really a good wife (or so I thought).

            One day I was praying after a particularly difficult day. I knew God loved me so I said something like this “Daddy God to you see how he’s treating your little girl? Your Word says You’ll contend with those who contend with me (Psalm 35:1) so contend with him, Lord. I don’t know how much more I can take.”

            Then a scripture reference came to my mind. It was 1 Corinthians 13. At the time I didn’t know what that was so I got my Bible. When I read it I thought. Yes! That’s how I want to be loved but God impressed upon me that I was to love Ray that way. Just like Moses after his call to Egypt I argued with God that I just couldn’t do that. But He had more to teach me. I happened upon 1 John 4:20 “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ yet hates his brother, he is a liar” (NIV). Did I hate Ray? Some times I did, sometimes I just didn’t like him. But I sure didn’t love him the way God wanted me to. So I determined in my heart to obey what God had revealed to me and love Ray with 1 Corinthians 13 love.  It was hard to do that. I discovered I was not the good wife I thought I was when measured against the Word of God. Many times I would go to God complaining about how Ray was treating me and many times I felt God directing me back to 1 Corinthians 13 and asking “do you love Ray like that, yet?” The irony is that the more I loved him that way, the more he loved me that way. It was a long and difficult struggle and many times I wanted to quit but I am so glad I didn’t. The last thirteen years have been so different from the first twenty. The love and respect we share now is evidence of what God can do when we obey his Word.

We serve a God of second chances, a God who delights in taking a marriage like a caterpillar and transforming it into a butterfly.  Are you in a difficult place in your marriage? God can transform it – I know because “I’ve been there, done that” and I have a beautiful bouquet of flowers as evidence.

A Sacrifice of Praise – Hebrews 13:15

 I remember the first time Hebrews 13:15 caught my eye – I thought, “Why would it be a sacrifice to praise?” It truly puzzled me since I had always loved to praise God – to give him the worship he was so worthy to receive.

Then my husband and I had an awful fight. I don’t even remember what it was about but he got so angry that he walked out of the house. I was devastated. Our marriage had not being going well and I was in utter despair. I didn’t have a clue how to turn things around. I always wanted to be a wife and mother and now I was both but I didn’t find the contentment I thought I would find.

Then I felt the Spirit of the Lord ask, “can you praise me now?” I remember thinking: “Praise? The last thing I feel like doing is praising.” Then finally I understood that God is worthy of our praise no matter what the circumstances. When you don’t feel like praising and do it anyway that is a “sacrifice of praise.”

So I knelt at the window that looked out into my backyard. The first thing I did was to admit that I didn’t feel like praising but since the Bible says to “continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise” I would. Then I began to sing to my Lord and King. I have been in wonderful Sunday services that have moved me. I have been brought to tears at Christmas Eve services and baptisms of new believers. Yet nothing in all of my experience prepared me for the joy I felt that evening. I think that feeling was God’s smile of approval on an obedient child.

It is easy to praise God when “all is right with the world.” Yet when we can get on our knees and let our God know that we praise him in the storm it is a sacrifice of praise. I don’t always get that rush I got that very first time but that’s OK because I know I’ve pleased God.

Over 35 years of walking with God has shown me that even when I think God’s forgotten me or when I think that something that he’s asked me to do is just too hard ultimately He has my best interest at heart. But sometimes it’s still a sacrifice.

What do you want from me?

The Lord speaks to us all in different ways. More often than not he speaks to me thru the Bible. I have numerous stories about this but one of my favorite involved Micah 6:8.

I was struggling with trying to discern what the Lord wanted me to do. I’d tried several ministry things but nothing seemed the right fit. I want to please the Lord and He knows that but sometimes I just wish He’d get out His great big pen and write it out for me in the sky.

One day I was fed up with trying to figure out what He wanted and I literally screamed at the ceiling, “what do you want from me.” It was then I heard the Biblical reference of Micah 6:8. I had an old Bible sitting right next to me on the table so I immediately looked it up. I knew I’d heard from God when I read: “What does the Lord require of you, O man but to act justly, love mercy and walk humbly before your God.”

A Better Way to Spend Time

August 31, 2010
For some time I have been looking for a better way to spend my evenings at home when I'm just too tired to read, not feeling social enough to phone a friend, not in the mood for a crossword puzzle and not wanting to veg out in front of the boob tube. Today I decided to start my own blog. I was surprise at the ease of the process. I do enjoy journaling so this should be fun.


One thing I try to consistently do each day due to my tendency towards inner crabbiness is to thank God for at least three things so I'm going to include today's three things here. Today I'm grateful for: 1) It's Tuesday and I don't have to work tomorrow 2) Successfully starting my very own blog 3) Flavia Wagner has been released after 105 days in captivity in the Sudan.


Quote of the day:
"A man's greatest battles are the ones he fights within himself." Ruth Bell Graham