The Marriage Kit by Jill Krueger Wagner

Many of you know that my daughter just got engaged and I've mentioned to some of you my search for just the right box for her marriage kit. As a result I've been doing a lot of explaining about what it contains and why I do this.

First the why: Ray and I went through a lot of years of unhappiness in our marriage and I don't want that for others so I designed this to try to stave off problems in new marriages.

The what is this:

The box is a visual aide for how to offer criticism to your mate. Just as a box has a top and a bottom with things enclosed, so you seek to enclose all criticism in a “top” and “bottom” of praise. What do you admire about your mate? What have they been doing right lately? Tel them these things before and after you criticize them.

The white rose is a symbol of love. When you cannot find the words to say “I’m sorry” place the rose on his/her dinner plate, pillow, or car dash, etc. It will say what you cannot.

The small frames are self-explanatory: Don’t let the sun go down while you’re still angry. Ephesians 4:26 Love your mate more than money. When you love someone you don’t just love them because of what they are but in spite of what they are.

The two different colored balls of clay represent each of you and the love language that makes you feel really loved. There are five love languages: Kind words of affirmation/Acts of Service/Quality time spent together/Physical touch or sex/and Gifts. Seldom do both husband and wife speak the same language so you must learn what language makes your mate feel loved and learn how to speak that language. When you are both aware of and speaking the other’s language you will truly become one like two pieces of clay constantly kneaded together.

The mirror is to remind you that you must look to yourself and your relationship with the Lord NOT to your mate to find true happiness.

The Bible verses are to remind you that the wisdom to the ages is at your fingertips in the Bible. God’s plan for marriage is one of extreme intimacy and satisfaction, one in which each person is loved, respected and treated with dignity. If you’re not each reading the Bible daily you may never achieve this intimacy.

The difficult relationship checklist is included because you are not just marrying your mate but his/her family as well. There is always the possibility that you will have difficulty getting along with someone within her or his family. The checklist can be overwhelming, as it is the result of years of dealing with various difficult people. Simply ask God to reveal to you where you can improve in a difficult relationship then start reading the list. He’ll show you what to do.

Here is the checklist:

DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS CHECKLIST

By Jill Krueger Wagner

PRAY:

            THAT GOD WILL ENABLE YOU TO LOVE YOUR DIFFICULT PERSON

            THAT YOUR LOVE FOR HIM/HER

                        IS PATIENT                                IS NOT EASILY ANGERED

                        IS KIND                          KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS

                        IS NOT ENVIOUS                   DOES NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL

                        IS NOT BOASTFUL                REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH

                        IS NOT PROUD              ALWAYS PROTECTS

                        IS NOT RUDE                 ALWAYS TRUSTS

                        IS NOT SELF-SEEKING            ALWAYS HOPES

                                                                        ALWAYS PERSEVERES

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR D.R. FOR ANYTHING IN THE PAST?

            ASK GOD TO PURGE YOUR THOUGHT LIFE FROM THOUGHTS OF REVENGE AND NEGATIVE THOUGHTS TOWARDS OR ABOUT YOUR D.R.  ZECHARIAH 7:10b ROMANS 12:19

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU WHY YOUR D.R. DOES THE THINGS THAT UPSET YOU AND HOW TO RESPOND TO SUCH REVELATIONS

            ASK GOD TO REVEAL TO YOU THE ROOT PROBLEM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP AND WHAT TO DO REGARDING THAT REVELATION.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU IF YOUR EXPECTATIONS OF THIS RELATIONSHIP ARE UNREASONABLE AND HOW TO AMEND THEM IF THAT IS THE CASE. ALSO ASK HOW TO GET LEGITIMATE NEEDS MET.

            ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO SET BOUNDARIES AGAINST YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD TO STRENGTHEN YOU FOR BATTLE WITH YOUR D.R. WHEN HE/SHE OVERSTEPS THE BOUNDARIES YOU’VE SET. JOHN 18:19-23

            ASK GOD TO MAKE YOU “…QUICK TO LISTEN, SLOW TO SPEAK AND SLOW TO BECOME ANGRY, FOR MAN’S ANGER DOES NOT BRING ABOUT THE RIGHTEOUS LIVE THAT GOD DESIRES.” JAMES 1:19,20

            ASK GOD TO GIVE YOU “THE PEACE THAT PASSES ALL UNDERSTANDING” WHEN YOU MUST DEAL WITH YOUR D.R. PH. 4:7

            ASK GOD TO HELP YOU TO “KEEP A WATCH” ON YOUR MOUTH SO THAT YOU DO NOT GOSSIP ABOUT YOUR D.R.

            ASK GOD FOR A “BATTLE PLAN” BEFORE CONFLICT ARISES WITH YOUR D.R. THIS PLAN SHOULD REFLECT GOD’S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE FOR YOUR D.R. AND HIS DESIRE THAT YOU BOTH BE TREATED WITH THE DIGNITY YOU DESERVE.

            ASK GOD FOR A TRUSTWORTHY FRIEND TO PRAY WITH (BUT DO NOT REVEAL DETAILS ABOUT YOUR D.R. THAT MIGHT UPSET HIM/HER.)

            THANK GOD FOR THE SPIRITUAL GROWTH YOU WILL EXPERIENCE THROUGH YOUR D.R. BECAUSE “AS IRONS SHARPENS IRON, ONE MAN SHARPENS ANOTHER.” PROVERBS 24:17

I usually present this to the couple alone but have done it at rehearsal dinners and showers.